Posted on by Belladonna

Being a perfect mess ~Part 1~

This year I want to touch on Motherhood, Parenting, and all it entails. I’m going to expose the good side, the not-so-attractive side. Parenting isn’t for the weak, nor is it for the spineless. But, no matter how tough parenting gets, you HAVE to hold on because it gets easier.

I have always carried self-doubt. From time to time, I’ve doubted if I was good enough and wondered if I could step up to the plate and be a good mom. 

I hope I’m not alone here!

When I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, I only felt fear. I didn’t want to disappoint this little person. She needed me to be strong, and she needed me to love her unconditionally.

I doubted that I would be who she needed me to be and that, in the end, I would break her heart. Leave her wanting everything and anything that I wasn’t. But over the years, I pushed all my insecurities aside and gave motherhood my all.

Love moved in. Not just any love, but I would die for you type of love.

Then over the years, God blessed me with two more beautiful humans to love. Along with those babies came a tremendous amount of love. But, once again, I doubted if I had enough love to spread to two more humans. I was scared out of my mind that I would give one of them more love than the others.

So many parents have a favorite child, and I despise that!

I refused to be that person. And after 21 years of motherhood, my kids can tell you that I love them equally. When one gets in trouble, they all get in trouble. I expect all three to do their absolute best in all they choose to do. 

I am undoubtedly their number-one fan.

I would choose to take my last breath if that meant they could live.

Being a mom will expose all of your insecurities, fears, and doubt that you didn’t know you had. But the key is to approach it with an open heart and the mindset of; I am a perfect mess. AND be okay with that!

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

44 Replies to “Being a perfect mess ~Part 1~”

  2. Totally agree! I didn’t feel that overwhelming bliss when I first looked into my daughter’s eyes ~ I felt love mixed with fear. So many ways to screw up! But luckily all is well, whew 💗💗

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    1. Same Paula!!! My daughter looked at me and I literally started to cry because I didn’t know what the hell to do next! I was so scared but glad that it worked out. My nerves were a wreck with my first one😂

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  4. Do yours team up on you when they’re all together like mine do? And they have the 13 yr old G-son in on it too, lol.
    Each of them have a special gift /contribution in their role in this family. It’s such a blessing to witness how we all nurture one another.
    Blessings to you & yours my dear!

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    1. LOL!!!! Yes they do team up against me and I’m often the inside joke🤣
      Kids are the best and the worst.
      Your grandson is ready to join the fun. LOL
      Blessings to you as well🤍

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  5. I love this post. Motherhood is a tough job. It isn’t for the weak at heart. The thing is, it is hard to know if you are doing it right when you are in the middle of it.

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      1. I think most parent nowadays feel like that. I never had the help my kids get constantly from internet regarding how to deal with the issues of child raising.

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  11. My kids lost their father when they were still very young, so I was scared I was going to ruin their lives as a single mother and put them all in therapy for the rest of their adult lives, lol. They survived, however, and are all adults making their ways through the world. I don’t know if they’re completely happy or not: you lose control of that when they’re in their teens and are going through their angsty/moody period. (Though I have noticed some kids are sunny and open to the world, no matter what happens.) But they’ve built good lives, pay their own bills, and in the cases of two of them, have families of their own. (You’re going to love being a grandma.) You are right, love wins every time, especially when you can release your fears.

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  12. I think you summarized this perfectly Belladonna –
    “Being a mom will expose all of your insecurities, fears, and doubt that you didn’t know you had. But the key is to approach it with an open heart and the mindset of; I am a perfect mess. AND be okay with that!”

    You go mama, and don’t apologize for it either!!! 🤗💖😍🦋😘

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  13. Pingback: Being a perfect mess ~Part 1~ – ESTORGIO blog

  15. Belladonna – thank you so much for sharing this post with us. I don’t have kids yet, but my husband and I would like to. I’ve always questioned myself on whether or not I’m capable of being a mother, and reading your post really helped remind me that I’m not alone in these thoughts. Thank you so much for touching down on this, and I can’t wait to read more ❤️

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