Posted on by Belladonna

If you LOVE Me Tell Me NO

Why is it so hard to tell the people that you love NO? Even if we see that saying yes to everything may be killing them.

It’s a fine line between enabling someone and wanting them to feel satisfied—notice I didn’t say happy. So many of us love so hard that saying no actually hurts. We want the ones we love to get what they need and not have to feel pain if they don’t.

I remember when my kids were little, I wanted them to have everything they asked for. I mean, I was a sucker for my kids. I went out of my way to make sure we could provide everything they desired. If I couldn’t get them what they wanted, I felt like I failed them. Then, one day, I started practicing the word NO! I was so exhausted from trying to keep up with their wants and needs that I just flipped out.

I told them that I didn’t want to hear one more demand, and they saw the crazy look in my eyes and slowly backed away. Being a parent is tough, but to me, being an enabler is tougher.

Lately, I have been glued on my 600-pound life. Each story consists of an enabler and, in some situations, multiple enablers and an obese man/woman. In most cases, their obesity has left them bedridden and totally relying on family to cook and bring them meals, bathe them, and so much more.

But the thing that blows my mind is why family members still bring them over 7,000 calories a day.

How hard is it to tell them NO?

I will not bring you this junk food. I love you too much to help you kill yourself. You can’t walk on your own; you’re hooked up to an oxygen tank, and you’re screaming bloody murder if someone tries to help you get up to walk. Blood clots are now forming in your legs from lack of movement and can and will kill you if it goes untreated.

One particular lady was determined to pull herself together for her children. She told her family that she was too weak to do this on her own (It is highly admirable when someone admits they need help). Her temptations for food were too intense for her to manage. She told her family to stop giving in to her request, and please be the strength that she needed.

I had chills all over my body, and tears could not stop flowing down my face as she cried out, “If you love me, tell me, NO!”

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

31 Replies to “If you LOVE Me Tell Me NO”

  2. That is an intense plea, Bella! And it so much reminds me of my sister in law feeding her husband with vanilla icecream after a bypass operation. It is so true, saying no to loved ones is the hardest. I would be a sucker as well with children, I am as far as my husband is concerned. I am just lucky that he doesn’t exploit that trait of mine.

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      3. I was so shocked, so it just came out of my mouth. She said that it was such a pity for him to eat the boring stuff, and he had such a craving … (he had another bypass a few years later, surprise, surprise).

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  10. food addiction (foodaholic) is a lot like alcohol addiction. while i admire the lady’s request (asking for her family to help), i sincerely believe that she has to learn to say NO to herself– daily. again and again and again. for as long as it takes.

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  12. This is painful and a whole family problem usually dumped on one individual. I’m getting flashbacks of my diabetic father trying to manipulate me. God, I miss him!!!! It’s tragic, but NOOO!!! I love you too much!!!! ❤ !!!!

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  15. You know I have been on a journey of loving myself as is. Acceptance, body neautrality, etc. I got diagnosed with diabetes and do not want to lose weight one day by having my feet or legs chopped off because I couldn’t control myself. I am having “unintentional weightloss” as a side effect from eating healthier. Ia m getting better at saying no, BUT there are still trigger foods. My mom and aunt are bakers. I can say no to 93% of things they send over but sometimes they get me. Homemade chocolate chip cookies. Like Mom, why are you sending them over? I have been blatantly honest I lack the will power aroound them, and still she sends them.

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