Posted on by Belladonna

One Line Is All I GOT ~5/9~

You’ll never be happy or satisfied as long as you continue to play the victim!

At some point in our lives, we all HAVE to learn how to heal from trauma. Until we do so, we must refrain from being toxic to others. Toxicity can manifest in various ways, such as facial expressions, body language, and attitudes towards others.

Playing the victim is exhausting!

“I’m not telling you what I heard; I’m telling you what I know.”

-Shannon Sharp

I used to moan and groan because I knew that I was slided as a child.

(Slang)Slided:to ignore: to do nothing about (something, such as another person’s mistake or bad behavior) : to ignore (something)

The things that I wanted and craved were denied, but I had to watch my brother being treated as if he were a God. He was able to play any sport he wanted; he received a brand-new CAZ before attending college, and his school was paid for IN FULL by our mother.

So, on top of growing up in a toxic house, all of these things were thrown in my face as well, and that made me mad. 

The anger moved me right into the I’m a victim mode, well, until it didn’t. 

Healing from anger can be beautiful; you see the blessings you were given because of what you went through. My past motivated me, and once I stopped playing the victim, I started to win at this thing called life.

Healing Process From Being The Victim

This can only happen once you give yourself permission to let go of everything that attempted to destroy you. They didn’t destroy you because you’re still standing.

And once you recognize that you are blessed enough to be here, the winning process can begin. It’s funny how you start to see the beauty in everything and how your energy attracts like energy. 

Wishing you love, light and complete healing.

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

56 Replies to “One Line Is All I GOT ~5/9~”

  1. Pingback: One Line Is All I GOT ~5/9~ – Belladonna’s Flashlight | Ned Hamson's Second Line View of the News

  3. Love this and couldn’t agree more! Been on this journey for a few years and only this year I am starting to feel the difference. The difference being the sense of peace within. Not all day everyday but most days. It is always going to be a Work in Progress!

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  7. Interesting, this seems to happen more often than one thinks, I mean that the boy in the family is the preferred child. It was the same in our family. Of course, I felt less loved etc., but I also found out that I had a lot more freedom than my brother. He was always under observation, I wasn’t. I could hide things from my parents that he couldn’t. But final forgivemess didn’t happen before I was 32 or so. My then sister in law was still reproaching her mother that she preferred the boys to her (she was 42 by then). That made me think about my own situation; I wanted to move on, and so I did. (By the way, she also preferred her boy to her girls … )

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  8. growing up for me was pretty much all about never being good enough, nor as good as other kids, and always seemed like I was in competition with them…..that drags you down eventually…when I moved away, far far away that grip was gone…and now, even in their 90s, I still get that..thank goodness from friends and in-laws…

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    2. Warren thank you for being so opened and sharing this! Moving away was the best thing for me as well, the grip was gone and so was any expectations for my people to be better.

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  13. AMEN SISTER!!! PREEEEACH!!! 🗣️📢 This is so inspiring! Love this!

    I also experienced the same type of toxicity in my childhood home. I was the only girl out of 4 boys (brothers)
    Well, my brother Mike was not only the oldest but also the most favored. He could do no wrong in my adoptive parent’s eyes. He was considered the “perfect “ child. He always had everything handed to him and received the most attention. I resented him for that. As a child I was nothing like my older brothers. I never got in trouble with the law, didn’t do drugs, didn’t drink, like my older brother did but yet I got treated like I was the worst child ever, along with getting abused in every way, every day of my childhood by my adopted father.

    Growing up, I remember feeling and thinking how much I couldn’t wait to escape that toxic home. I honestly don’t know how I got through it for 19 years.

    All I can think of is being blessed with a tremendous amount of resilience and strength. Now granted, in 2010 I did allow my past trauma to define who I was, I allowed it to push me into a deep dark hole I couldn’t crawl my way out of. I blamed myself for many years for all the inhuman abuse I suffered. I put permanent scars on my skin as a punishment. I was my own worst enemy.

    It wasn’t until years later and hundreds of mental health therapy sessions later that it finally dawned on me that all the horrid and inhumane abuse I so traumatically suffered throughout my whole childhood, wasn’t by any means my fault. What was done to me, was out of my control. I suffered at the hands of a sick and twisted sadistic and evil grown man who knew it was morally wrong.

    So, with that said, I can complain about it and allow it to define who I am but what good would that do. I would only be hurting myself in the long run. But, It’s ultimately up to me whether I want it to destroy me or make me a stronger person. My choice: To rise above it, to use it to inspire others who have lost hope, to bring motivation to others to never stop fighting. 💜💪

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    1. I wish I could hug you so hard right now 🥹🥹 you have no idea how moving your heart and soul is.
      Are you close to any of your brothers now and have you talked about how this monster abused you?

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      1. Unfortunately none of my brother’s want anything to do with me. It’s been that way for many years. I also made the decision years ago for my own sanity and mental health to not have anything to do with that monster that abused me, my whole childhood.

        As far as if I’ve talked about my abuse; I’ve written 10 chapters of my story. It’s here on WordPress. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to get my autobiography published so people; particularly my brothers and adopted family will know the real truth. It was a deep dark secret for many years, up until I gained the courage to speak up about it.

        But, when I did begin speaking up about it, it backfired. No one reported it, nor even cared enough to rescue me from all the hell and inhuman abuse I was suffering. I was left to painfully endure all the horrid abuse until I was 19.
        But then, my husband came along and swept me off my feet and rescued me. We had met when I was 17 and shortly after that we began dating. After about a year of us dating, I felt comfortable enough with him and gained enough trust in him to open up to him about all the abuse I was experiencing. He was the only one cared enough to listen and show me what love was.

        Although at first it was a scary thing because all my life, all I knew was abuse, criticism, manipulation, fearing every step I took, severe trust issues, along with abandonment. I didn’t know what love was. It took me a good while to gain trust in my husband. But after gaining trust in him, I was comfortable enough to let my guard down a little and let him in.

        The moral of the story is, he has literally been the ONLY one who hasn’t given up on me, nor abandoned me, and has shown me unconditional love and acceptance. Although I still have that unrelenting fear of rejection and abandonment, along with trust issues. Something I can’t seem to conquer. But he has remained vigilant in sticking by my side. If you would like to read my story, it’s on my blog page.

        https://mystoryisfarfromover.blog

        When you click on the link, it will show my shopping page but if you go to the search bar, you can type “My story is far from over,” and it should bring you to my each page of my book. Chapters 1-10.

        Or I can paste a few links here so it will be easier to get to.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are my hero and I am so honored to know you! Ihope you know you have aupporterand a friend for life over here.
        I’m so happy that you found someone that swept you off your feet and gave you a safe place to land. I will be reading your chapters this week. Thank you for sharing!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Awwww 🥰 Thank you so much. That truly means so much to me. I am also honored to know you and have a strong connection with you. You are an inspiration to so many. The fire you have inside you is so powerful and motivational💪💜

        I tremendously appreciate all your support, encouragement, love, and kindness. It motivates me to keep sharing my story with others. It’s my mission in life to touch the lives of others, as well as make a significant impact in their lives. Without your graceful support, along with my husband’s love and support , my friends support, and many others support, I honestly wouldn’t have made it this far.

        There’s been many times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and just give up because I felt as if I wasn’t reaching anyone or helping make a difference in the lives of others. But, with the support of all those who have encouraged me to keep going, I found my motivation and confidence to keep going.

        It warms my heart knowing how much I’ve inspired you 💕 it’s a great feeling along with a huge honor.

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