Posted on by Belladonna

Was that a backhanded compliment? ~Part 1~

Here’s the deal: If you’ve ever been left wondering if a compliment was actually a dig, you’re not alone. Chances are, it was a backhanded compliment.

So, you’re familiar with the concept of a backhanded compliment. It’s like a compliment but with a sneaky twist. 

Well, if you haven’t, let me explain. A backhanded compliment goes something like this; 

  1. You look really good FOR YOUR AGE
  2. Your body looks excellent FOR HAVING KIDS
  3. You pretty FOR A (INSERT RACE)
  4. YOUR FOOD DON’T TASTE LIKE WHAT I’M USED TO, but it’s tasty
  5. You drive good FOR A WOMAN
  6. You’re pretty FOR A PLUS-SIZE WOMAN

You get it, right?

Okay, the other day, I was having lunch with a friend who has had cancer twice; she battled for four years and was still a force to reckon with when it came to her kids, husband, and household.

She is now cancer-free!

Well, while we were laughing and enjoying our meal, a lady that I would like to choke walked up to us, hugged my friend, who looks absolutely gorgeous, by the way,  and said, “Wow, look at you. You look so good considering everything you’ve been dealing with”.

YUCK!

Unfortunately, the list of backhanded comments can go on and on, and wouldn’t it be great if they would stop? These comments can be hurtful and damaging, undermining a person’s positive aspects. It’s like the people who are giving the backhanded compliments know just what they’re doing. They have heard others say positive things about you, and they feel as if it’s their job to tear you down a little.

But the truth is, very few people need to be torn down. We are often our own harshest critics. Therefore, most of us leave little to no room for others to come and insert their foolish “compliments.”

When confronted with a backhanded compliment, it’s beneficial to pause and reflect before responding. This allows you to consider the intention behind the comment and respond in a way that preserves your self-worth. 

In the next part, I’ll share effective strategies to handle backhanded compliments like the one we’ve discussed. Stay tuned for these practical tips.

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

38 Replies to “Was that a backhanded compliment? ~Part 1~”

  1. Pingback: Was that a backhanded compliment? – Belladonna’s Flashlight | Ned Hamson's Second Line View of the News

  5. I always think backhanded comments people make are really done to undermine others or bait them into getting angry. Sometimes it pays to just pays to take a breath and politely phase them out and never give them the time of day again.

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  8. You are a blessing to your friend🙏🏻. So many thoughtful points! When one of my friends was battling, she experienced similar ridiculous comments. Careless words spoken stay with us women even on a good day-definitely no place for those comments when someone’s been through the hardest thing in their lives.

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  9. I don’t remember having gotten one of those. In Denmark people would give you those meant as a joke, especially the “for a woman” one, but meaning it as a joke. They would not joke with a cancer patient though, thats just bloody awfully insensitive.

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  12. Pingback: What to do after you get a BACKHANDED compliment ~Part 2~ – Belladonna’s Flashlight

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