Posted on by Belladonna

Are you even LISTENING?

Have you ever felt like you’re pouring your heart out, but it’s falling on deaf ears?

You may have noticed a new trend: “You talk, and I listen, but when I speak, you half-ass listen and bring the conversation back to you.”

For instance, have you ever shared a personal experience only to have the other person immediately share a similar but somehow more dramatic experience of their own? This is a never-ending trend that will continue until the end of time, but you don’t have to let these people affect you anymore.

Storytime

My mom is the queen of making every conversation about her. It’s like a never-ending cycle of interruptions. No matter what someone says, she will cut in and say how she, too, has experienced whatever it is you’re going through and one-up you. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

I’m always sitting on the phone like Mother; this isn’t a competition. For years, I thought she was odd, but lately, I realize that this habit/trend is the norm.

Just recently, I have limited the number of people I talk to on the phone. I value balanced conversations where I speak, and then you speak. I don’t want to sit on the other end and hear you go, go, go, and then ask me a quick question before moving the conversation right back to you. It’s about mutual respect in communication.

Do we talk more than we listen?

Are the majority of us waiting to interrupt each other so we can tell our story?

Are we just a rude society?

I don’t know what the answers are, but I can’t help but feel a fire in my belly about this behavior. It’s time for a change!

Ways to correct this behavior

Not every conversation has to revolve around you; it’s okay to take a step back and listen. You don’t have to be the center of attention or outdo the person you’re talking to. 

Instead, try to actively listen, ask follow-up questions, and show genuine interest in the other person’s experiences. This can help transform the conversation from a one-sided exchange to a more balanced and engaging interaction.

Let me know your experience with this topic.

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

47 Replies to “Are you even LISTENING?”

  3. Pingback: Belladonna’s Flashlight | Ned Hamson's Second Line View of the News

  5. Child, how are we out here with the same mama?! 😂😆🤣

    “My mom is the queen of making every conversation about her. It’s like a never-ending cycle of interruptions. No matter what someone says, she will cut in and say how she, too, has experienced whatever it is you’re going through and one-up you. It’s frustrating, to say the least.”

    I have to politely say, “Mom, I had the floor. Please don’t interrupt me.” I am constantly doing that on calls with her, and I get frustrated and then I don’t call her for like a week, tops, and she’ll call me upset because I haven’t called.

    No one wants to be interrupted all. the. time. It’s exhausting. Lol.

    Liked by 5 people

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  6. I was taught to actively listen in a basic communication class in college. A good skill to develop. I also believe that sometimes it’s useful to tell other people you understand their issues by sharing a story about your own struggles. It makes people feel less alone.

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    1. Yes Inagree with both it is very comforting to know you aren’t alone. I think with selfish “listeners” their stories have nothing to do with yours and the conversation never comes back to you. I think that’s the part that gets me.

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  7. I find that the smartest and kindest people are listeners. I try to be one myself, and find that it’s often hard in a society that seems to really reward the loudest people in the room (which is really sad). This was a good reminder today, and I’m glad I read it!

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    1. You are right about that! The loudest person definitely gets the most attention and that is so wrong!!! Sometimes I feel like slamming the phone down or screaming at the top of my lungs 🤣🤣🤣

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  8. Oh, yes, the mothers … 😉 When my younger brother’s first wife drowned, my mother genuinely thought that the event was worse for her than for my brother. Needless to say that she was not of much support to him. 😦

    But I know a few people like that. If I have to be with them, I usually give up trying to talk. But I don’t seek their company very much. Mostly they are relatives, whom one cannot avoid 100%.

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    1. Oh my GOSH!!!!! That is horrifying😞😢 your poor brother needed all the support necessary, that is so heart breaking!!!!
      You’re right it is mostly family and they know we can’t cut them off for good….. or can we 🤔😂

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      1. Yes, it was an awful time for my brother. I was already living in Denmark then and couldn’t really be around. We talked on the phone though.

        I think we can … 😉 … it is generally unpopular though. I have friends that are more family to me than some family members are.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Well, honestly, some reciprocation or relation would be appreciated on my behalf, If I wanted a silent listener, I would’ve talked to my teddy bear… An actual human being is expected to respond to me when I’m venting…

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  14. My mom listens 0 percent. You can be discussing TRAUMA and she will be like “by the way, Aunt Dee did x,y, z” I am used to it but it enrages my sister. She will call me after Mom does this literally flipping out. And I listen.

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    1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣OMG our mother is the same person! How on earth can you stay so calm about it. You are good girl. I’m more like your sister and it takes me a whole day to get back to my happy place.

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  18. LOL !!! Belladonna ❤ … I need a post all about your MOM !!!! 😀 … Actually, most everyone these days are chronically lonely and unload on any innocent ear that will kindly listen. And the one-uppers (hahaha) … It’s so TRUE!!! My peeve is when it’s my turn, they act like I’m needy and beneath them!!! Whatever … Click!!! I’ll bend my ear elsewhere and “listen” to you!! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

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