Posted on by Belladonna

Should Married Ladies ONLY have Married Friends

REPOST!

Yesterday I wrote about friends giving terrible advice to their “friend. Never take relationship ADVICE from these people“

I left off when the married woman left to take a phone call from her husband.

As she looked at her phone, she told her friends that it is her husband. Her friends rolled their eyes as if they were bothered by the phone call. When she stood up to talk to her husband in peace, the divorced Lady said, “GOOD LUCK, and remember to let him know he isn’t your father.” The never-married Lady cosigned with her friend and said, “don’t let him break you.”

She walked away, ready to win a battle created by her and her friends. But, on the other end, was a poor guy that wasn’t prepared for what they had pumped into her mind.

Meanwhile, at the table, set the ladies.

Divorced Lady, we’ll call her DL.

Single Lady, we’ll call her SL.

DL~ I see her marriage going down the same road as mine.

SL~ See, this is why I’m single; I will not put up with a man calling me and demanding that I tell him my every move.

DL~ Their marriage will never work and wait until they throw kids into the equation.

SL~ I am so happy to be SINGLE.

STORYTIME

I made the mistake of having friends that weren’t married. So I was tugged in all directions; they wanted me to have drinks, lunch, dinner, see movies, and even girl trips. And here I am, married with three kids and a career. 

Something has to give because the thought of managing my home, keeping my kids on the right path while maintaining a bond with my husband is a full-time job! I’m not, nor will I ever be willing to forgo my family life so that I can hang out with friends. 

I value having positive friends in my life, but my family will always come FIRST. Going on vacations with the girls is something that I look forward to when my kids live on their own, but until then, an occasional lunch and dinner with friends will have to do. And for me it’s helpful to have friends, regardless of marital status that respect my marriage and my family.

So for now, I’m all about family, family, family and keeping a hardcore bond with my leading man.

My opinion is just that… it’s my opinion, and I would love to hear all of yours.

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

48 Replies to “Should Married Ladies ONLY have Married Friends”

  1. Having been someone that was single when my friends were married with kids I just wanted to say one thing. Single girls need their friends. I sometimes felt blanked after friends got married. It was like once there were kids there was no room for you.

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      1. It was a long time ago. But have fond memories of feeling totally out of place when at parties. The girls all spoke of the best nappy brands and what brand of washing powder gives the best results.

        I wish they had just set me up with someone like a blind date at the time. I lived rural. It was before dating sites.

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  2. Well, I was married for 20 years, and even though most of it was ick, I still get what it means to be part of a team. In general, I don’t think it’s practical for single women to be close friends with married women. I do have one married friend, and we’ve been friends forever (we’re like family almost), but even so we don’t do stuff at night, just lunches, etc. It would be a bit weird to say to a spouse bye honey I’m going out for dinner without you! I never did that when married. When I do dinners out and game nights, almost all the other friends are single too… there are a few couples, but they come together…

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  3. I absolutely agree with you. It is difficult to maintain a friendship with single friends, while being married. I have a few single friends but had to create very strong boundaries. Great conclusion . Thanks for sharing.💕

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  4. I can relate to this situation Belladonna. But the bottom line is your life as a ML (Married Lady) or a DL is so much different from a SL, especially if that SL has never been married. Everyone has their thoughts about what you should do, but they are not walking in your shoes, even if you are an AL (Abused Lady). Every part of your life is conditional and ever-evolving. My now single friends are either widows or divorcees, but our common bond was being married after we left the single life.

    Having a girls night out is ok, as well as the boys hanging out occasionally. But constantly going out and hanging out, well let’s just say, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” 😆🤣🤪🤦🏽‍♀️😂

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  5. I have nothing much to say beacause I wholeheartedly fully agree with you on everything 🙂 There should be respect for individuals and relations, that’s all that is required. I can get along with anyone then. And yes family first – after they leave house I will have all the time to myself for outings with friends.

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  6. I have friends who are single, and friends who are married. My single friends don’t extol the virtues of single hood nor do they bash men. But they are lifelong singles who made a conscious choice to remain single…they don’t harbor bad will towards men. Does that make sense?

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  7. I have both single and married friends who I enjoy spending time with. No one is a marriage basher because that would be a deal breaker. All my children are grown and living on their own so I have more time to socialize but I admit I do spend the majority of my time with my husband and our married friends. Hugs, C

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  8. In an ideal world I would day no. But we live I. A judgmental society that hinders people from having friendship once they sat I do. There is a double standard for men and women on this subject.

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  9. With or without husbands, just having kids makes it harder to do the things you used to do with your friends. But yeah, if you decided to get married, you gotta put that first.

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  10. as a married guy, yes. I’ve heard the ball and chain line. but, my wife and I are pretty independent people in some ways, where we don’t keep track of each other’s every move…weird thing, a few of my best friends are female…always have sort of been. Guys are boring, my circle, some married, a couple not, and lunch or coffee every so often, the occational run or bike ride…they know my wife, she knows them, I always remember an episode of the Real Housewives of NYC where one of the wives went to lunch with someone elses husband…and that was awful, for us, normal….

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  12. I feel you should always put what matters to you first.

    I am single with no children and I do not ever want to get married or be in a relationship but I have an awesome friend who is married with three kids. We have known one another for decades.

    We both respect one another’s lifestyle and never imposed on the other.

    I have another friend in her seventies who has never been married but who has been best friends for years with a married woman who has children. The lady’s husband even loves her and talks on the phone to her when her and the wife call one another. It is like they are all family.

    What it all boils down to is finding compatible friends whether they are married or single.

    I totally understand where you are coming from though. Sometimes it is better to only deal with other married women as friends instead of single women depending on their mentality. And vice-versa❤

    Really great post Belladonna!

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    1. Thank you for sharing that. Yes I agree with you and sometimes “friends” are trying to interfere with what you have going on. Some married friends are so darn jealous of the freedom their single friends have.

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  13. My two cents worth,

    Quite frankly I’d say, it not about married or single. Both should be just as acceptable. It’s about our friends respecting our marriages or our single life equal to how we believe they treat us.

    To slam the male or female in anyones relationship is to slam our friends as well, for their choice. Those that roll their eyes or prattle like experts are actors looking for attention, like narcissists wanting to make it all about them or their views, and or lack of values.

    If they don’t respect your relationships, they really don’t respect you. And might be the party trying to break you up so they can endeavor in your place!

    Choose your friends wisely.

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  14. I’m single and have been married twice. I have no intention of being married again. I have single and non-single friends. I’m more of a home body than all of them.🤣. I made the decision when Samara was still a toddler and her “father” and I separated and eventually divorced, that she would always be my priority. I have never lost sight of that. I will never regret that. Our babies, and husbands if applicable, should always come first. They are our biggest gifts. They should be treated accordingly 🤗💚

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  15. First, kudos to you for your dedication to family and your children. As a 63-year-old long-divorced woman who was a single mom from the time my now-adult son was 3, I know the importance of prioritizing family and children. I will say, though, that one of the things that makes it difficult to forge new friendships in midlife is the tendency for married women, including those with grown children, not to be so keen on having single women as friends. Even being an over-60 solo expat in a new country, I see the same dynamic here in Portugal. It’s a challenge being single here. Finally, I just want to point out that people who are happy with their lives do not behave the way DL and SL did. Even a ML can be a negative downer if she is unhappy with her life. Solo women need positive, supportive friends too. ❤️😊

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    1. Well said, thank you so much for sharing this. I agree with you about what single women need as well. I have a post that I’m writing about married women being so envious of their single friends. The. story is good andd based off of a real story.

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  16. It definitely can be hard to have friends who are in different situations in life as it can create conflict among values and goals, so I love your thoughts on how you make friendships work for you!

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  18. I believe a friend is a friend they are hard to come by whether married or not keep your friends whether kids or not keep your friends don’t have hard feelings not always these types of relationships last most grow apart just always stay on good terms if you can and don’t form enemies
    💗Ennea Ennea/Ninth💗

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