You Can’t Rescue The Boy In The Man “Part 1”

All I remember is it being deathly silent on the phone. I thought she had fallen asleep. So there I lay on the couch under the covers in a slightly dark room with only the light sound of the t.v. going. By this time it was 2 o’clock in the morning, and we started our conversation at 11:00 pm. I’m not quite sure how long it was since we last talked but we had a lot to catch up on. Our conversation went from politics to food, health, fitness, raising kids, marriage, and reminiscing about our old selves. Continue reading “You Can’t Rescue The Boy In The Man “Part 1””

Why Coming From a Broken Home May B​e Better Than Living In One “Part 2″​

Sometimes you have to take a step back and reflect over the things you desired to change as a child and make a conscious decision to not let history repeat itself. It’s not easy to walk away from someone you love and let go of what you want the relationship to be. Allowing yourself to let go of the living happily ever after can feel like a punch in the stomach and a knife in your heart. Continue reading “Why Coming From a Broken Home May B​e Better Than Living In One “Part 2″​”

The Day I Fell In Love “Part 2”

The Day I Fell In Love “Part 1”

I felt so light on my feet and thought I was going to tumble over. Somehow I managed to stand firm, but just like that, it was time for me to get back to the game and pretend to be interested in cheerleading. I was so ready to be done for the night and try to find Elijah again. I knew that I wouldn’t say anything else to him, I would just find a safe spot to take A quick peak without him knowing. Continue reading “The Day I Fell In Love “Part 2””

The Truth About The First 5 Years Of Marriage And How To Make It Through​

I didn’t think that we would make it this far. For years I thought we should have waited until we were in our 30’s instead of in our early 20’s to get married. But then I started to interact with others that found love late in life, and they experienced some of the same issues we did, and some were exponentially worse. So in some strange way that was comforting for me to know. Continue reading “The Truth About The First 5 Years Of Marriage And How To Make It Through​”

He Fell In Love With Her Loud Laugh

I fell in love with a man that fell in love with the real me.

There she was just sitting with her friends, laughing her usual loud and excitable laugh. I think when she laughs, the whole world knows that it’s her. She has tried to change it and learned how to do a light, soft chuckle, but that didn’t last long. Mostly because it hurt her chest when she tried to hold in the true her. Continue reading “He Fell In Love With Her Loud Laugh”

Are you Okay?

All she can feel is the weight of the world on her shoulders and the breath of temptation breathing heavy on her neck. She can feel the sun beating down on her skin scorching every part of her that’s exposed. When she rises, everything goes black, Continue reading “Are you Okay?”

Do You See Me

All we want is to be seen and heard. You may not agree with everything we are saying and that’s okay just acknowledge that fact that we are here. Some so many ladies will go through their entire life and not know what it’s like to be listened to. As well as being left to wonder if they are being seen or looked over. Yeah, you have said the L word but what does that mean without putting actions behind it.

Continue reading “Do You See Me”

I Thought I Lost You

The largeness of something depends on the angle from which we view it...

October 1st is one of my favorite days of the year because that’s the day that I became a mom. Some may argue and say that the day you found out about the baby is the big day and welcomed you into parenthood. I disagree. When you look into those eyes and see them looking back at you and feel their tiny hand grip your finger… that’s when you become a parent. Things are about to get real. Your life is no longer your life. Everything you do should be in the best interest of your baby. Your needs, wants and desires are put on the back burner and if you don’t like the way that sounds then please don’t have anymore.

My other two favorite days are February 10th and September 29th. We welcomed two more beautiful babies in the world and boy did we have to level up. As a woman, I was shocked at how much time I had to put in every single day. When they were all small I would put them down for a nap or just tell them to lay and rest for 30 minutes. While they were doing that I would just stare at the wall. Don’t even think I blinked for at least 10 of those minutes. Most days I was a tired and delusional soul.

I remember when Makenzie was born, Elijah was in kindergarten and he never wanted to do his homework. He cried and threw a fit every day and every day I had to threaten his life. Here I was waking up 3 times in the middle of the night with my newborn baby, and then as soon as she was cozy in my arms the alarm clock that I wanted to throw out the window would sound off. I would stumble downstairs and fix breakfast, comb hair and make sure my energetic son and mild-mannered daughter were ready to hit the car for drop off. I don’t know why I didn’t let them ride the bus back then. By the time I reached the house, it was time to feed Makenzie and get started on my routine.

Every growing day I lost a little piece of me. I don’t think I realized it until I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. Yes, I gained weight but it was more than the weight. It was more than what I saw it was what I didn’t see. That beam of light and determination was gone. I made sure there was light in everyone in my household and felled to see mine was gone. It’s hard for me to describe this discovery without getting drawn back into that painful moment. I made sure that I ran my household with little flaws and that took every bit of me. I left nothing in my pot and almost lost my own identity. All of a sudden I was Elijah’s wife, Samantha’s mom, Elijah’s Mom, and Makenzie’s mom. At that moment all I wanted to be was KELLI.

At this moment and forever more that’s who I am first…KELLI

Refusing to lose me!

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~