Wounds Into Wisdom

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I Thought I Lost You

The largeness of something depends on the angle from which we view it...

October 1st is one of my favorite days of the year because that’s the day that I became a mom. Some may argue and say that the day you found out about the baby is the big day and welcomed you into parenthood. I disagree. When you look into those eyes and see them looking back at you and feel their tiny hand grip your finger… that’s when you become a parent. Things are about to get real. Your life is no longer your life. Everything you do should be in the best interest of your baby. Your needs, wants and desires are put on the back burner and if you don’t like the way that sounds then please don’t have anymore.

My other two favorite days are February 10th and September 29th. We welcomed two more beautiful babies in the world and boy did we have to level up. As a woman, I was shocked at how much time I had to put in every single day. When they were all small I would put them down for a nap or just tell them to lay and rest for 30 minutes. While they were doing that I would just stare at the wall. Don’t even think I blinked for at least 10 of those minutes. Most days I was a tired and delusional soul.

I remember when Makenzie was born, Elijah was in kindergarten and he never wanted to do his homework. He cried and threw a fit every day and every day I had to threaten his life. Here I was waking up 3 times in the middle of the night with my newborn baby, and then as soon as she was cozy in my arms the alarm clock that I wanted to throw out the window would sound off. I would stumble downstairs and fix breakfast, comb hair and make sure my energetic son and mild-mannered daughter were ready to hit the car for drop off. I don’t know why I didn’t let them ride the bus back then. By the time I reached the house, it was time to feed Makenzie and get started on my routine.

Every growing day I lost a little piece of me. I don’t think I realized it until I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. Yes, I gained weight but it was more than the weight. It was more than what I saw it was what I didn’t see. That beam of light and determination was gone. I made sure there was light in everyone in my household and felled to see mine was gone. It’s hard for me to describe this discovery without getting drawn back into that painful moment. I made sure that I ran my household with little flaws and that took every bit of me. I left nothing in my pot and almost lost my own identity. All of a sudden I was Elijah’s wife, Samantha’s mom, Elijah’s Mom, and Makenzie’s mom. At that moment all I wanted to be was KELLI.

At this moment and forever more that’s who I am first…KELLI

Refusing to lose me!

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

 

 

 

 

This Is The Day That Counts

Yes, I know It’s Saturday and you want a rest day. But this is the day that counts the most. I know that you had a full week of work and hopefully you did some type of workout every day. However, every positive action that you took towards becoming a better you can and will be undone by the choices you make today.

So many of us choose to make Saturday our day to have a cheat meal, which is totally okay if you stick to only one meal. Don’t turn that cheat meal into a cheat day. often times we will start the day off with an unhealthy option and from that moment on our body and mind will crave more sugar. So let’s start off right.

For instance, when you wake up have a healthy breakfast and then WORKOUT. When you return home to have a protein shake make this the time to throw a few greens in the blender so that you are getting your daily vitamin intake. Lastly, don’t forget to continue to DRINK WATER. I tend to stick with drink half of my body weight and if I am working out in the warm weather then I will increase my consumption.

Now here we are at dinner and you are probably ready to consume some major calories. But guess what? I guarantee that due to the wise choices that you made previously you will not eat as much as you wanted to. The body is a funny machine. Mentally you are wanting everything that you gave up during the week but your body isn’t craving or missing the calories. So listen to your body and not that hungry mind.

Make this day count and continue to make healthy choices!

Below you will find links for healthy meal options.

 Breakfast https://wordpress.com/posts/belladonnasflashlight.com

Lunch https://wordpress.com/post/belladonnasflashlight.com/1042

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

My Favorite Thing About Me

I LOVE to laugh and I need to be around others that like to loosen up and enjoy a joke. There is nothing worse than taking yourself so serious. Life can be so amazing if you are willing to LAUGH.

So let’s get started, I want everyone to share one thing about them that will make everyone laugh. I’ll go first. Watch the video below and you’ll get the idea of what I want you to share.

Happy people have more fun!

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

 

Photoshopping and Fitness Shouldn’t mix! This Is Not A Game

I was going to write about something totally different today but this particular topic struck my heart. I am frequently on Instagram, I post a lot on my timeline as well as on my instastory. I always scroll through and look at all the latest diets, workouts, coupon deals and of course memes, because you know I have to get my laugh in for the day. But my laughter stops when I come across someone that is constantly contradicting themselves when it comes to diets and photoshopping their pics.

If you are in the fitness industry then you are held at a higher standard then those that aren’t. You have a responsibility and you know this. I am constantly contacted by women and men of all ages on social media. They ask me everything from workout plans to how often they should work out. They want to know what works for me. Now what if I took pictures and in those pictures, you saw me with a 6 pack. Not just any 6 pack but abs that looks as if I do crunches and pull-ups in my sleep. Then the day finally comes when we meet in person and now your confused. Like…. have I just been catfished? The answer is YES! Yes, you have been catfished.

Do you know how many people are holding on to your every lying word? I mean here are these eager people ready to do whatever just to lose weight and they are depending on you for help. But the wrong help can be deadly.

You can’t starve yourself one day and then eat fast food the next. Now maybe just maybe a pound or two will drop but what about internally. How do you feel internally? What is your cholesterol level looking like after treating your body like a human YOYO?

Let’s face it you have to work out, eat clean, rest and let stress go. Once you do all those things you will lose healthy weight and get in the best shape of your life.

I strongly recommend that everyone seeking weight loss help should first seek a nutritionist and then a trainer. When you meet with your trainer make sure you have a list of questions. The questions are for them not you. Treat your first session like an interview and see if they are knowledgeable on the subject of weight loss.

The truth is, you should be picky about who you hire because there are 1000’s and 1000’s of trainers, health coaches, and wellness coaches on instagram, facebook, and local gyms. So there are an endless amount of options. The right trainer/ coach is out there.

Be careful who you choose and make sure they look like their online photos.

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

How To Fail On Your Diet

Do you want to know how to fail on your diet? I have lots of experience at this and I’m not ashamed to admit it either. Failing was a part of my journey and that’s why I became interested in the health and fitness industry. Trust and believe that I am a pro at failing and I learned from all my mistakes. So hopefully I can help a few people with this post.

The number one complaint I get from clients is, I can’t lose weight from any diet that I try.

What do you think I’m going to say?

STOP GOING ON DIETS!!!!! You have to make a lifestyle change and do something that is sustainable for the rest of your life. Diets are okay If you have to lose a massive amount of weight because your doctor is concerned about your test results. But they will place you on a specific diet that will help you get into a safe place. Then you have to take over from there and learn how to make better choices in all areas of your life.

Firstly please know that sleep deprivation will cause you to keep on unhealthy weight as well as cause chronic conditions, ages you, cause depression and that’s just to name a few. Choosing a good bedtime is just as important as choosing a healthy meal or drinking water instead of soda.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying the Keto diet if you are trying to jump-start your weight loss. But I do have concerns and would advise all my clients to see a certified nutritionist if they wanted all their meals to be Keto based for longer than a week. You want to make sure that you are getting the appropriate amount of nutrients and a nutritionist will see that you are.

I personally have to choose Keto or low carb meals for my dinner. Me and carbs have an evil relationship. I can NOT eat carbs after 3:00 pm. I found that out after years of battling with weight. Now don’t get me wrong I do eat carbs, but just not for dinner.

I wish everyone well on their weight loss journey. I smell success ahead!

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored.

~Belladonna~

Crowded Places

Never really reacted to well in a crowded place. Following behind others hopes and dreams, afraid to be seen as an individual or different if you will. Living behind the shadows of the ones that I admire until they disappoint me with revealing their own insecurities and guilty pleasures. During their reveal, you realize their human, nothing special. Just a mediocre gutless, spineless, mortal that too chooses to hide in crowded places. So I advise you to step away from the crowd and find out who you are.

I remember being a kid and looking up to and worshiping this one individual. I can’t even put into words how I felt when I saw them fall and burst into flames right before my eyes. Their ashes fell to my feet and I gently stepped over them and made a promise to myself. I swore that I would never feel that level of disappointment again. I distanced myself from all crowded places.

Working on you becomes satisfying and complete when you separate yourself from all the unnecessary noise. Some may view you as reclusive but really you function more effectively without drivel. Once I evacuated from the crowded place I could breathe and see all the perfections that I carry. I stopped telling myself that I’m not good enough, but I’m worthy. Crowded places will have you guessing your self-worth and hesitation becomes your companion. Until you remove yourself you can’t help but compare and compete. Which, in return will more times than not end in disappointment. But with space, you will learn that the best competition is you vs you.

With self-growth and maturity, crowded places are just that. Crowded and leaving you without room to grow into being your own hero.

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

The Truth Will Set You Free But First It’ll Piss You Off

“The truth will set you free but first it’ll piss you off”. No truer words have ever been spoken. The truth will sting your soul and crush your thought process if you aren’t willing to receive it. I know that the truth is a hard pill to swallow but if growth is what you are looking for then you have to take the truth pill.

I mean think about it. How many times do we have to bump our heads and fall before we take a sit and listen to constructive criticism? How often do we have to set ourselves back 10 steps because we refused to take advice? Then when we fail, we look to those same folks for a hand or an ear. I don’t know about you but I’m so over listening to nonsense.

I have been a part of the health and fitness industry since the day I took the oath to protect and serve my country. So please believe me when I tell you I have heard every excuse in the book when it comes to fitness journeys. But the truth is if you want a healthy lifestyle bad enough you will do whatever it takes to achieve it, to win it and to own it.

The truth is you have to eat right, you have to work out, and you have to change your mindset. There aren’t any short cuts and there isn’t an easy way out. You have to stop looking for a quick fix and you have to be willing to hear the truth. No matter how painful it is to hear what you have to do to get from A to B, you have to listen and be willing to execute.

I have had the truth hit me in the stomach like a ton of bricks. Did I like it? Hell no! It pissed me off because it hurt. It hurt my pride and for short while my self-esteem. But in the end, the truth saved my life and I will never forget that moment.

Here I am in the summer of 1994, I thought I was prepared for the military, my eating and work out habits were amazing. I felt like I was gaining strength internally as well as externally. But to my surprise, I had an abundant amount to improve on.

My first week in the military my drill sergeants did not hesitate to tell me that they thought I was weak. My heart dropped when they told me that. But they weren’t done. I was told that I wouldn’t last because I couldn’t do more than 4 push-ups in a row, I didn’t stand up for myself against some of the other soldiers in my platoon I was to quiet and I hid behind everyone else. Try swallowing that!

They pissed me off because the truth tore me up. Here I am 18 years old in South Carolina all by myself and receiving truths about me that I didn’t want to hear. I couldn’t run from it, I had to deal with it. And That’s just what I did. When the lights went out at 2100 hours I was up doing pushups, holding my planks and mentally connecting with myself. By the end of boot camp I dared anyone to even think about giving me a cross look. I was still quiet because that’s just who I am. I’m more of a listener than a talker. That’s just something that can’t be changed by my courage can and was.

Because I was able to accept the truth I became a platoon leader, push-up queen, and one badass motha…shut yo mouth.

I’ll never forget Drill Sergeant Henry and Drill Sergeant Jellen. They saved me, by exposing strength that I didn’t know I had. I allowed their truth to piss me off so that I could gain my freedom!

Is it time for you to get pissed off?

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored.

~Belladonna~