Not Everyone Can Be A King

It’s sickening to see men walk around thinking they should be treated like a King but disrespect and abandon the people they should cherish the most. If you make a choice to turn your back on your kids and their needs, then you face the fact you just might grow old alone. Read More

Cheers To Upgrading My Existence

I woke up today feeling like Bruce Lee! I am ready to power kick and jab my way through life. I have been idle for too long, and I am taking back control today. You see I have the tendency to over think situations, and I do it until I talk myself right out of a good idea. I have literally done that ever since I had children. Read More

Do You See Me

All we want is to be seen and heard. You may not agree with everything we are saying and that’s okay just acknowledge that fact that we are here. Some so many ladies will go through their entire life and not know what it’s like to be listened to. As well as being left to wonder if they are being seen or looked over. Yeah, you have said the L word but what does that mean without putting actions behind it.

Read More

Love Me Naked

Beneath all my flaws lies perfection. Beneath everything that I am trying to cover up lies my truth. But I’m afraid that my truth will cause you to leave in a panic and never look my way again. Because of my fear of losing you, I’ll be who you desire me to be. forgetting all of my lies so that I can pretend to be your truth. But now I’m losing me and my delusion mixed with my reality is becoming much more than I can handle. I’m forgetting what I’m supposed to like and what I’m supposed to say because they aren’t authentically my thoughts or perceptions.

How many of us are afraid to show who we really are? We can live behind masks for the rest of our lives, but will that make you happy? I know that we all want to find love and that somebody that will love us unconditionally and tells us that we are beautiful.

You know what I mean?

It means so much when you don’t have to fish for compliments and continue to say, do you like my hair, my outfit, can you tell that I’ve been diligent with my workouts?

As a woman, one of the things that I want is the ability to feel free. I need that sense of freedom to feel comfortable with just being me. Comfortable in my own skin and still have you love me. I want to rip down all the walls that I’m hiding behind and know that you won’t look at me differently.

The joy I feel when washing my face is indescribable and then followed up with putting on baggy shorts with an oversized shirt that has now been a part of my life longer than I want to remember.

But it’s too comfortable to throw away!

You know you’re looking at a hot mess, but he still says your beautiful.

Your hair is all over your head looking like a bird’s nest, but he still wants you to lie your head on his chest because he knows that’s your security blanket.

Being able to expose your insecurities without regret. But feeling relieved because that someone is giving you strength and courage to conquer whatever your goals are.

Making you believe that you can do any and everything your heart desires. Helping you push all of your fears and anxieties elsewhere.

Being able to have that somebody that will give you the tools that are necessary to tear down the walls that you named flaws and reveal your truth, your perfect reality.

Enabling you to be unapologetically naked!

You could have chosen to read any blog, but you chose mine, and I’m honored.

~Belladonna~

 

I Thought I Lost You

The largeness of something depends on the angle from which we view it...

October 1st is one of my favorite days of the year because that’s the day that I became a mom. Some may argue and say that the day you found out about the baby is the big day and welcomed you into parenthood. I disagree. When you look into those eyes and see them looking back at you and feel their tiny hand grip your finger… that’s when you become a parent. Things are about to get real. Your life is no longer your life. Everything you do should be in the best interest of your baby. Your needs, wants and desires are put on the back burner and if you don’t like the way that sounds then please don’t have anymore.

My other two favorite days are February 10th and September 29th. We welcomed two more beautiful babies in the world and boy did we have to level up. As a woman, I was shocked at how much time I had to put in every single day. When they were all small I would put them down for a nap or just tell them to lay and rest for 30 minutes. While they were doing that I would just stare at the wall. Don’t even think I blinked for at least 10 of those minutes. Most days I was a tired and delusional soul.

I remember when Makenzie was born, Elijah was in kindergarten and he never wanted to do his homework. He cried and threw a fit every day and every day I had to threaten his life. Here I was waking up 3 times in the middle of the night with my newborn baby, and then as soon as she was cozy in my arms the alarm clock that I wanted to throw out the window would sound off. I would stumble downstairs and fix breakfast, comb hair and make sure my energetic son and mild-mannered daughter were ready to hit the car for drop off. I don’t know why I didn’t let them ride the bus back then. By the time I reached the house, it was time to feed Makenzie and get started on my routine.

Every growing day I lost a little piece of me. I don’t think I realized it until I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. Yes, I gained weight but it was more than the weight. It was more than what I saw it was what I didn’t see. That beam of light and determination was gone. I made sure there was light in everyone in my household and felled to see mine was gone. It’s hard for me to describe this discovery without getting drawn back into that painful moment. I made sure that I ran my household with little flaws and that took every bit of me. I left nothing in my pot and almost lost my own identity. All of a sudden I was Elijah’s wife, Samantha’s mom, Elijah’s Mom, and Makenzie’s mom. At that moment all I wanted to be was KELLI.

At this moment and forever more that’s who I am first…KELLI

Refusing to lose me!

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

 

 

 

 

More Than A Woman

 

What does it mean to be “more than a woman”? I’ll never forget the first time I watched “Saturday Night Fever” starring John Travolta, and the most fascinating song to me was playing. The lyrics go a little like this…

Girl, I know you very well
I’ve seen you growing everyday
I never really looked before
But now you take my breath away

Suddenly you’re in my life
Part of everything I do
You got me working day and night
Just trying to keep a hold on you

Here in my arms, I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now, I think I would die
Say you’ll always be my baby we can make it shine
We can take forever just a minute at a time

More than a woman
More than a woman to me
More than a woman
More than a woman to me
-Bee Gees-

I want to be more than a woman to you. Because I’m so much more than that to me.

You could’ve have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~