I Am Whatever You Say I Am

Learning to handle a situation like a grown-up can be challenging. Invariably fighting to not have the last word is a struggle for many people, including me. If I feel like I’m being attacked with your thoughts of me, then I automatically feel the need to protect myself and explain.

The explanation usually consists of me telling you why you shouldn’t feel the way you feel about me. Truth be told, I’m guilty of wanting to be liked. Read More

This Day Is Not For You

Samantha is a teenage author and moving and shaking her community.

If you don’t follow her you should!!!

Here is her new post!

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This Day Is Not For You | Poem

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~Belladonna~

Love Wins

….and I don’t mind💗

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Back in the day, I thought using the L word would make me vulnerable and wide open for heartbreak. I was always like… I love you, but I don’t love you, love. There are levels to this ish, and you’re just on level one boo.

Read More

Will You Ride The Bus With Me

Lots of people want to ride with you in your Limo but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when your Limo breaks down.

~Oprah Winfrey~

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I Cheated The Whole Day

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On Sunday morning I woke up washed my face, brushed my teeth, threw on some workout clothes, attempted to comb my hair and gave up really quickly, grabbed my cycle shoes and ran out the door. You see If I am working out early in the weekend then I need to stay focused and run out the door or, I will start folding laundry, putting dishes away, and start running my mouth talking a mile a minute ton, my husband. Which, he hears every other word if that. Read More

Resting Bitch Face

You call it a resting bitch face and assume that I must be one. I call it not wasting my energy and time on your pointless conversation. The art of being blunt and not sitting idle while patiently listening to garbage but you call them words. Having me walk away and knowing that you’re talking about me like you did the others. So to you, I give the resting bitch face

I allowed you to trick me once or twice possible 3 but now I see you for what you are, I’m not mad just confused on when you learned to act. You still have people fooled into thinking that your intentions are good and that I’m the one that’s collapsed. Questioning who I am and what I stand for. Started out thinking that maybe I need to clear the air and get somethings straight. But I quickly composed myself and gave this whole situation my resting bitch face.

No longer wasting time on wondering what pictures are being passed around of me and leaving me the joke of your day. I hope you laughed and laughed hard. I know that you were secretly hoping that I would fall and lose everything that I have. Wanting everything that I love to stop loving me. So I know you hate what you see. You staring at me while I’m staring ahead at my next preplanned and bulletproof move. No smiles just focus with my face resting kind of bitch like.

I’m stuck in my zone and no longer focusing on the foggy and unstable. Uncontrollable impulses aren’t my concern. I know you think your words were unheard since a reaction is what you didn’t get. But I heard you it’s just my health, and peace of mind is my concern. Ignoring the outrageous have truly helped put years back on my life. No longer treading in muddy waters. But poised on my thrown and not shouting back. Not letting you drain me and murder my thoughts. Not today or any other day. But I will give you my resting bitch face and then slowly twirl away.

Getting your health in check just balances everything else out. When you are eating right your mind works differently and you lack the desire to allow poisonous behavior to enter into your life. Your energy will make it uncomfortable for negative spirits to be around. Your mind and focus is something that an unhealthy mind can’t fathom.

External as well internal change will occur after a week or two of eating right, meditating, sleeping longer, and working out. If you carry any type of mental hurt or anxieties then I beg for you to focus on your health and lean on me if you need help. My desire is to make as many people feel whole and to perfect that resting bitch face.

I Thought I Lost You

The largeness of something depends on the angle from which we view it...

October 1st is one of my favorite days of the year because that’s the day that I became a mom. Some may argue and say that the day you found out about the baby is the big day and welcomed you into parenthood. I disagree. When you look into those eyes and see them looking back at you and feel their tiny hand grip your finger… that’s when you become a parent. Things are about to get real. Your life is no longer your life. Everything you do should be in the best interest of your baby. Your needs, wants and desires are put on the back burner and if you don’t like the way that sounds then please don’t have anymore.

My other two favorite days are February 10th and September 29th. We welcomed two more beautiful babies in the world and boy did we have to level up. As a woman, I was shocked at how much time I had to put in every single day. When they were all small I would put them down for a nap or just tell them to lay and rest for 30 minutes. While they were doing that I would just stare at the wall. Don’t even think I blinked for at least 10 of those minutes. Most days I was a tired and delusional soul.

I remember when Makenzie was born, Elijah was in kindergarten and he never wanted to do his homework. He cried and threw a fit every day and every day I had to threaten his life. Here I was waking up 3 times in the middle of the night with my newborn baby, and then as soon as she was cozy in my arms the alarm clock that I wanted to throw out the window would sound off. I would stumble downstairs and fix breakfast, comb hair and make sure my energetic son and mild-mannered daughter were ready to hit the car for drop off. I don’t know why I didn’t let them ride the bus back then. By the time I reached the house, it was time to feed Makenzie and get started on my routine.

Every growing day I lost a little piece of me. I don’t think I realized it until I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. Yes, I gained weight but it was more than the weight. It was more than what I saw it was what I didn’t see. That beam of light and determination was gone. I made sure there was light in everyone in my household and felled to see mine was gone. It’s hard for me to describe this discovery without getting drawn back into that painful moment. I made sure that I ran my household with little flaws and that took every bit of me. I left nothing in my pot and almost lost my own identity. All of a sudden I was Elijah’s wife, Samantha’s mom, Elijah’s Mom, and Makenzie’s mom. At that moment all I wanted to be was KELLI.

At this moment and forever more that’s who I am first…KELLI

Refusing to lose me!

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

 

 

 

 

More Than A Woman

 

What does it mean to be “more than a woman”? I’ll never forget the first time I watched “Saturday Night Fever” starring John Travolta, and the most fascinating song to me was playing. The lyrics go a little like this…

Girl, I know you very well
I’ve seen you growing everyday
I never really looked before
But now you take my breath away

Suddenly you’re in my life
Part of everything I do
You got me working day and night
Just trying to keep a hold on you

Here in my arms, I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now, I think I would die
Say you’ll always be my baby we can make it shine
We can take forever just a minute at a time

More than a woman
More than a woman to me
More than a woman
More than a woman to me
-Bee Gees-

I want to be more than a woman to you. Because I’m so much more than that to me.

You could’ve have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~