I Thought I Lost You

The largeness of something depends on the angle from which we view it...

October 1st is one of my favorite days of the year because that’s the day that I became a mom. Some may argue and say that the day you found out about the baby is the big day and welcomed you into parenthood. I disagree. When you look into those eyes and see them looking back at you and feel their tiny hand grip your finger… that’s when you become a parent. Things are about to get real. Your life is no longer your life. Everything you do should be in the best interest of your baby. Your needs, wants and desires are put on the back burner and if you don’t like the way that sounds then please don’t have anymore.

My other two favorite days are February 10th and September 29th. We welcomed two more beautiful babies in the world and boy did we have to level up. As a woman, I was shocked at how much time I had to put in every single day. When they were all small I would put them down for a nap or just tell them to lay and rest for 30 minutes. While they were doing that I would just stare at the wall. Don’t even think I blinked for at least 10 of those minutes. Most days I was a tired and delusional soul.

I remember when Makenzie was born, Elijah was in kindergarten and he never wanted to do his homework. He cried and threw a fit every day and every day I had to threaten his life. Here I was waking up 3 times in the middle of the night with my newborn baby, and then as soon as she was cozy in my arms the alarm clock that I wanted to throw out the window would sound off. I would stumble downstairs and fix breakfast, comb hair and make sure my energetic son and mild-mannered daughter were ready to hit the car for drop off. I don’t know why I didn’t let them ride the bus back then. By the time I reached the house, it was time to feed Makenzie and get started on my routine.

Every growing day I lost a little piece of me. I don’t think I realized it until I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. Yes, I gained weight but it was more than the weight. It was more than what I saw it was what I didn’t see. That beam of light and determination was gone. I made sure there was light in everyone in my household and felled to see mine was gone. It’s hard for me to describe this discovery without getting drawn back into that painful moment. I made sure that I ran my household with little flaws and that took every bit of me. I left nothing in my pot and almost lost my own identity. All of a sudden I was Elijah’s wife, Samantha’s mom, Elijah’s Mom, and Makenzie’s mom. At that moment all I wanted to be was KELLI.

At this moment and forever more that’s who I am first…KELLI

Refusing to lose me!

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

 

 

 

 

Definitely Not My Prince Charming

The Damsel in distress is the classic theme in literature, films, and art. Here we have this beautiful lady with her heart made of gold and all the animals are drawn to her. But she is imprisoned by an evil being and only her one true love can save her. Okay, there is that and then we have sleeping beauty which the one I really can’t stand. The only person that could wake her is her one true love. YUCK.

But, I can totally chill with Belle. She was not tolerating crap and waiting for that one magnificent rich man to come and sweep her off of her feet and make her and her father wealthy and safe. No, not my Belle. She was always reading and protected her father and his dreams. She didn’t let Gaston push himself onto her or degrade her father. Instead, she fell in love with a man that was well, not so attractive and was a total and complete outsider. Belle was saved by her love and also saved her love. She is the OG of princesses. She always had a brain, sharp tongue and was unapologetic for using them. I mean like seriously… what a freakin motivational spirit.

I swore that I would be like Belle. I never wanted to have a man enter into my life and feel like without him I’m lost. I always wanted my person to know that without you I’m perfect but together we’re unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with. I don’t want to “complete” you and I don’t need anyone to “complete” me. We should already be whole before we get together. Two half people do not make a whole person… it makes a whole mess.

I want every woman to refuse to get sucked in by this foolish talk of a man coming to sweep them off their feet. Keep all 10 of those toes planted on the ground, stay firm and in control. In addition to that connect with that person that will be that inspiration and that back that will hold you down while you do the same. Equally Yoked… that’s the goal!

I am a firm believer that women/men should only allow someone in their life that will uplift them. Help make each other better. Both partners should bring something of value to the table and not take and drain the other. I married someone that was broke…honey not a dollar to his name but what he had was faith, determination and a brilliant mind.
I matched him and we transformed together.

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

More Than A Woman

 

What does it mean to be “more than a woman”? I’ll never forget the first time I watched “Saturday Night Fever” starring John Travolta, and the most fascinating song to me was playing. The lyrics go a little like this…

Girl, I know you very well
I’ve seen you growing everyday
I never really looked before
But now you take my breath away

Suddenly you’re in my life
Part of everything I do
You got me working day and night
Just trying to keep a hold on you

Here in my arms, I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now, I think I would die
Say you’ll always be my baby we can make it shine
We can take forever just a minute at a time

More than a woman
More than a woman to me
More than a woman
More than a woman to me
-Bee Gees-

I want to be more than a woman to you. Because I’m so much more than that to me.

You could’ve have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

5 Tips That Will Prevent You From Becoming A Drunk While Raising Your Son

 

When my son was 2 I thought that I was going to pull my hair out. I have never in my life seen something move so fast and destroy the house in seconds. I learned quickly to only buy decorations from the Dollar Store because they won’t be around long. As soon as my human tornado saw a new decorative item it was as good as gone. But he was a little curly head cutie and I could not stop kissing him and squeezing his fat squishy body. But the squishy body started to grow and grow and grow and lean out.

My curly head cute tornado turned into a stunning teenage boy. But dear God give me strength because he is still a tornado. Just in a different way. Put it this way when it is time for spring break, summer break, Christmas break or any other break I sigh with RELIEF! I am exhausted from holding my foot up this boy’s behind. One year I was so upset with his grades and I said to him, “Boy I think you are purposely trying to kill me”. That might sound dramatic but I am so freaking serious. That is how I felt.

He is brilliant but lazy. When he studies he gets 96% or 92% on EVERYTHING and then he gets comfortable and it’s downhill from there and I want to scream!!

However, over the years these 5 basic tips have relieved my stress and prevented me from becoming a crack head or alcoholic.

  1. Stay firm no matter how cute you think they are. At the end of the day, cuteness doesn’t matter. I’m looking skin deep. My end goal for my son is to become a productive and well educated GOOD man. I refuse to have a grown man still depending on me financially. As long as my son lives under my roof I will sacrifice and make sure he has everything he needs to succeed. But then he is expected to use all the tools we gave him.
  2. Make him stay connected with the Lord. The bible will just instill good values and make them want to be a good person and be mindful of the feelings of others
  3. KEEP them in sports or any extracurricular activity that will take a good deal of their time. You have to keep them busy and teach them time management. Sitting around playing video games and looking like a damn zombie at the screen will not teach them a thing.
  4. Don’t let them date until they are able to control their mood swings. If you let their all over the place mood meet up with another teenager that has major uncontrollable moods then you are in for a world of danger. You have these two annoying kids feeding off of each other and making their moods even more darkened. What’s worse than 1 crazy? Yeah, you guessed 2 crazies!
  5. Don’t give up not even on their darkest days. Let them know that they are loved but you expect greatness and respect. Make sure they know that you will not let that death grip go.

When I tell you that I will die for my son, I mean that with my whole heart. If I have to go without so that he can have then that’s what I will do. When I had children I knew that I was going to raise them the best I could and pray that they become better than me. So when you see them slide it breaks your heart. But if I have to grab him up by the collar and stare at him while he is in class in order to make sure he is doing the right thing. Then guess what? That’s what I will do.  I refuse to have him slide to the point of no return.

I’ll keep you all posted on his progress.

You could have chose to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

Southern Tasting Apple Cobbler In A Crock Pot

I have tried several ways to make my apple cobbler and apple crisp but this is by far the best way. I promise you will love it and refuse to make any other way. This recipe is short, easy and to the point. I bet you have everything you need right in your cupboards.

You literally need 15 minutes and then 2 hours to let it cook in your crockpot. I always make this when I’m invited to a party or trying to lift the mood of one of my kids or husband. I want them to feel that I deeply care about their problem but the truth is I don’t have time to REALLY care unless it’s a serious issue. Fortunately, haven’t experienced that just your average teenage meltdown.

INGRIDIENTS

  • 5 Large Red apples
  • 1 Box of yellow cake mix
  • 1-1/2 Sticks of butter
  • 2 Cups of sparkling cider
  • 3/4 Cups of brown sugar
  • 2 tsp Vanilla
  • 2 tbs Cinnamon

Place crockpot on high to begin warming for your delicious dessert.

Slice apples very thin and place in a large bowl. Add cider, brown sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. Stir until and place mixture in heated crock pot.

Add yellow cake mix on top of crockpot mixture, melt butter and pour top. Cook for 2 hours. Unplug crockpot and let cool for 15 minutes before serving. Serve with two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream.

Please enjoy the video below💗

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored.

~Belladonna~

Not Your Grannies Meatballs

Whenever I think about meatballs I’m like umm no thanks! They always look so dry. Which is why I hate meatloaf and meatballs are right up there in the same category. Well, they use to be but now I am in love with meatballs. I was determined to find a way to make a good meatball sandwich or pasta and meatballs. So guess where I found it? if you said Pinterest then you were right.

I have been trying to find more Keto inspired dishes. I can do without the carbs in the evening but my family shouldn’t have to. Keto dishes makes life so easy for me. If you look back at some of my meals you will see that I have provided the option of keeping your dish totally Keto or adding carbs.

Not only do I have to cook Keto and non-Keto dinners but I also cook for a pescatarian.  My trick is t make enough of each meal that will last for two days. Leftovers are a must in this house.

Without further ado lets move on to the meal.

OK, here is option #1 Huge sub rolls for my carb babies

Option #2 meatballs and salad for me. I like plain Caesar salad if I’m having a saucy dish.

And option #3 vegan meatless sausage for my vegetarian baby.

Whew! Let’s get these Ingredients out

Will make 12-14 medium meatballs 

Will make 5-6 medium vegan meatballs 

  • 1-pounds of ground beef
  • 2 tbsp Basil
  • 1 tbs Garlic Powder
  • 2 tbs Oregano
  • 2 tbsp Pepper
  • 1 cup Mozzarella Cheese
  • 1 cup Cheddar Cheese
  • 1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese
  • 1/2 Vegan Meatless Sausage roll

In a large bowl can buying your meat seasonings and all of your cheese. Mix it all up and form the balls into your desired size.

Place in a nonstick pan that is coated with extra virgin olive oil on the bottom. Place the meatballs with a small space in between each one. Cook on 375° for 20 to 25 minutes.

At this point, you can either eat the meatballs with a salad or from my carb lovers have it with pasta or a meatball sub.

If you choose to make a meatball sub make sure you remove a little of the bread on the inside so the meatballs will be able to fit properly. Then place three meatballs inside of the sub sprinkle cheese on top and bake for five minutes.

Please refer to the post below on how to make pasta sauce.

http://belladonnasflashlight.blog/2018/10/22/how-i-amped-up-my-pasta-sauce/

Enjoy the short video MEATBALL TIME!

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored.

~Belladonna~

I Won’t Let You Leave With That German Chocolate Cake

So you think you are just going to grow up and leave me huh? Not so fast their baby boy. I know when you look in the mirror you see someone that is 6’3, facial hair, and body becoming more muscular. But that not me. I’ll tell you what I see.

On February 10, 2004, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. He instantly stole my heart and I stole his. I could not go into another room without him wanting to be right with me. I remember the first time that I enrolled Elijah in a camp. We would only be separated for 4 hours and his big sister would be in the next room. But that didn’t matter to him. He cried and the instructors told me just to go and they would hold him until he calmed down. But the funny part is, when we walked through the doors the instructors thought he was at least 4. They were shocked when I told them he was 2.

When I returned to pick them up, there my baby was sitting on one of the instructor’s lap. She couldn’t have been more than 5’2 and 115 pounds. So he looked gigantic sitting on her lap and still in tears. When he saw me he ran towards me and leaped into my arms. That memory is forever engraved in my brain. I loved that moment so much! I think I missed him more than he missed me.

So yeah that’s what I see when I look at you. My curly head sweetie pie that needs his mama.

So needless to say when told me that you wanted a German Chocolate Cake for your birthday, I was honored to make it. He’s my baby and I’ll make him anything.

Elijah,

“I promise I will let you go one day but today you will not leave with that German Chocolate Cake. I’m going to enjoy watching you eat every bite.”

I hope you all enjoy watching my video and recreating this cake for someone you love.

Ingredients For The Cake

Please note that I doubled the recipe for the cake only. I prefer bigger cakes.

Heat oven to 350 degrees Cook for 30-35 minutes

  • 1 pkg (4oz) Bakers German’s sweet chocolate
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 4 eggs separated
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1 cup butter
  • 2 cup of sugar
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 cup buttermilk

Cover bottoms of the pans with parchment paper.

Heat up your chocolate and water for two minutes stir until chocolate is completely melted.

Beat egg whites and small bowl with until peaks form and set aside.

Combine flour baking soda and salt. Mix butter and sugar in large bowl with mixer until light and fluffy. Add egg yolks slowly and beating well after each yolk. Add and melted chocolate and vanilla. Then flour mixture alternately with buttermilk and blending. Add egg whites stir gently to blend it then pour into prepared pans.

Please cakes on cooling rack for 15 minutes before frosting.

Ingredients For The Coconut Pecan Frosting

Enough for 3 Large round cakes or 36 cupcakes

  • 4 egg yolks
  • 1 can evaporated milk 1-1/2 tsp vanilla
  • 1-1/2 cups sugar
  • 3/4 cup butter
  • 1 pkg ( 7 ounces) Bakers Angel Flake coconut
  • 1-1/2 cups chopped pecans
  • Whisk egg yolks milk and vanilla and large sauce pan until blended add sugar and butter cook on medium heat 12 minutes stirring constantly until it’s thickened and golden brown. Remove from heat and add coconut and nuts mix well and let it cool for 15 minutes.

You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine and I’m honored.

~Belladonnna~

Continue reading “I Won’t Let You Leave With That German Chocolate Cake”

Makenzie’s Deadliest Chocolate Cake

There is nothing worse than seeing a cake that takes your breath away and then you taste it. It’s thick, dry and you are choking to death. Talk about major buzz kill!!!! Well, push that bad experience aside because I have a treat for you.

Over the weekend I made 2, triple-layer chocolate cakes and the frosting was made from peanut chew candy bars. I have never made a frosting out of a candy bar but I was excited to try something different and mix it up a little bit.

Ingredients:

  • 6 eggs
  • 3- 3/4 cups Flour
  • 2 cups  Sugar
  • 3/4 cup Brown Sugar
  • 2 cups Dark Cocoa Powder
  • 1 1/2 cups melted butter
  • 2 cups Buttermilk
  • 1-1/2 cups Coffee
  • 2 tsp Salt
  • 2 tsp Vanilla Extract
  • 3 tsp Baking Soda
  • 3 tsp Baking Powder
  • Parchment paper

In a large bowl combine all of your dry ingredients and mix together. In a separate bowl add all of the wet ingredients, whisk and slowly add in your dry ingredients.

Line your 3 pans with parchment paper and leave a little extra paper on all sides of the pan. This will make it easier to remove the cakes from the pan.

Bake on 350 degrees for 35 minutes and let cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan.

You could have chosen to read any blog but you chose mine and I’m honored!

~BellaDonna~