There’s a difference between forgiving someone and apologizing for how you react to their actions.
I’m a new fond lover of forgiveness, but I refuse to go up to someone that repeatedly hurt me, pained me, and apologize for kicking them out of my life.
We deserve peace
We deserve to be listened to
We deserve unconditional love
If you ever feel as though those few things are missing, then give yourself permission to demand better. Demand better from yourself!
People can only treat you the way you allow them to. And sometimes, to demand better means to walk away unapologetically. Your walk away doesn’t have to mean I don’t forgive you but what it does mean is;
I LOVE MYSELF
When I was in my 30’s, I thought I needed to express how and why I felt the way I did. Then when I was faced with criticism, I automatically folded. I retracted all my expressed feelings and did what I could to keep the peace. But when I did that, that meant I had just put myself in a situation that left me feeling unfulfilled and not loved by me.
I put others’ make-believe, fairytale land satisfaction above my truth! No one should live like that. We should all be able to feel comfortable enough in our skin to express HURT, to express the feeling of EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT to express the LOVE that wasn’t given, without having to apologize because we made a few folks upset.
Your feelings do not have to align with others’ feelings. Likewise, MY feelings do not have to mirror anyone’s feelings.
Let’s go deeper
I remember when I would constantly look at what I was doing wrong, and I was taught, well, this person is older; therefore, they will mostly die before me, and I will live with regret if I don’t apologize FOR THE WAY THEY MADE ME FEEL!!!
PLEASE make that make sense…. because regardless of age, tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. As ignorant as the above statement feels, I was told these things. So basically, because I’m 30-plus years younger than the person that single handily destroyed my peace, I should walk around faking love and throwing out unsolicited apologies.
And my reaction is, “FOR WHAT”? So I’m not doing that anymore. I refuse and support others who refuse to apologize for the pain they didn’t ask to receive.
Everyone may qualify for forgiveness, but not everyone qualifies nor deserve an apology for your silence.
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!
~Belladonna~
There’s someone on the fringes of my friend group who is a total beyotch. Others put up with her, idk why (they admit she is a beyotch), but I will not. We were actually close for a while, and I put up with her criticism, but finally I had enough. At the least, a friend should be supportive, not detrimental!
Yes CUT HER OFF!!!!!!! I had a few of those and yuck what a pain in my ass. And nothing I did was good enough, still looking for of my time.
No ma’am! You did the right thing. You come first!!!!!
💖💖💖
I love love love this post. It made me remember an interview I watched about Taylor Swift on forgiveness.
She said, “Yes, absolutely,” she said when asked if she believes in forgiveness. “Like, for people that are important in your life who have enriched your life and made it better, and also there has been some struggle and some bad stuff, too. But I think that if something’s toxic and it’s only ever really been that what are you gonna do? …Just move on. It’s fine.”
It made me realize I could let go of those who kept hurting me. I didn’t have to keep them in my life to be trampled on, I could forgive myself for being trampled on over and over and I could cut them out of my life with no ill-will. Keeping people in our lives that are hurting us repeatedly is toxic and damaging to our own wellbeing.
Like you said, we deserve peace, we deserve to be listened to, and we deserve unconditional love. If someone is irrupting any of the above after being let known how, then there is the door. Our energy and time are precious, we can’t just let anyone into our sacred space. Beautiful post <3
Thank you CJ!!! Taylor Swift was right on point. I applaud her for realizing this and doing something about it at such a young age.
We should always put ourselves first and stop thinking that it is selfish to do so. This is your life and you can invite or disinvite whom ever you please!
And apologizing for how you feel is a no go. Stand in your truth 🙌🏽😍
I thank you so much for your comment and I’m so happy that you liked this post 😍🙌🏽
Silence of the Lambs eh??? LMBO 🤣😲😆😱😂 Girlfriend, you know I understand. No one needs to tell me to shut up and walk away…I can do that on my own…willingly! 😜
And that’s on PERIODT!!! 🤣🤣🤣
😜😲😆🤣😁
LOL
Girl, lemme get on my Sunday’s best, pull up my chair, and get my tithes ready because you are preaching!
“And my reaction is, “FOR WHAT”? So I’m not doing that anymore. I refuse and support others who refuse to apologize for the pain they didn’t ask to receive.
Everyone may qualify for forgiveness, but not everyone qualifies nor deserve an apology for your silence.”
Yaaasss! I love this post, Bella!
LOL! I love it!!!!!!
Thank you so much Tre!!!!! I apprecite you so much.
You’re so welcome!
You just put into words what took me six decades to learn and I’m sill a bit fuzzy. I was raised in the 60’s, women were taught to be seen not heard, and to be polite above all else. I’ve been recoding my brain for years and yet those apologies slip out, I get shut down, and I silence my own thoughts. I’m going to print this one up and read it daily for like a month! Thank you Belladonna. Hugs, c
You have made my day!!!!
My first boyfriend actually told me that when we go to meet his parents I should be seen and not heard!
I am so proud of you for recoding your brain. Some people do not deserve for us to be polite to them or even acknowleded!
This is awesome. I’m still working on the loving myself. Baby steps.
Good!!! as long as we are moving forward and not backwards.
I’m so honored that you liked this post Michelle!
❤️❤️❤️
Wow! Wonderul and amazing post! A big true, you are a wise woman, Belladonna.
Thank’s for share. Inspirating, you invites to reflect.
Send you a hug, my friend. Keep well.
Nice day!
Thank you Elvira!!! I always love seeing your comments.
Aww! You are so kind and sweet, Belladonna.
Thank’s
Well said Belladonna.
Thank you Sadje!
You’re welcome my friend
I forgive people all over the place, but that doesn’t mean I want to be friends with them. I just see them for who they are and figure their behavior is all about them– not a reflection on me.
Dead on Ally!!! Thank you for adding that!
Such a lovely post!
Thank you so much!!!
Wonderful post
Thanks
Thank you so much!!!!!
Thanks for this sometimes silently waking away is the best form of forgiveness to give 🖤 I never really thought so yet today I’m learning especially when no matter how one expresses themselves or ask to be expressed to if nothing seems to work anymore perhaps the best thing to about it is exactly nothing, just walk away and move on. I struggle with letting go however today I’m learning
Absolutely!!!!! I agree with you completely. Saying nothing and keeping your peace is so important
I was on the receiving end of being dumped and that pain hurt like hell. I don’t forgive the person who hurt me. I think she handled it incredibly immaturely (deleted all messages, deleted all comments I ever left on her blog, blocked me on WhatsApp and telegram so I couldn’t respond, then proceeded to send me a very nasty email calling me all sorts of things that just aren’t true). Being accused of being toxic, when I don’t think I was the toxic one in this situation. Telling me my kids will grow up to hate me, etc. To this day, her words and actions [still] hurt me. I still wonder what I did to disturb her peace when we chatted for hours each week on WhatsApp. Being the dumpee sucks.
Hopefully you were able to regain peace in your life and move on from the person who caused you pain and suffering. At the end of the day, all we want is peace 🧘♀️
I’m so sorry that happened to you! You know one thing I’ve learned about people is, they aren’t worth tryinng to figure out. If she had the guts to say those harsh things to you then you have to wonder if she ever liked you or did she need you. She is hateful racoon for saying that mess to you.
That’s the harsh truth and a difficult pill to swallow. I often wonder if she secretly hated me the entire time. I think maybe she was using me for emotional support. It makes sense when you word it that way.
Lmao hateful raccoon!! She’s more like a Tanooki (a Japanese raccoon dog). Tanooki sounds more insulting 😂😆
I learned this the hard way, so it made me cry. But it also validated my feelings and comforted me so Thank you.
I’m so sorry you cried, sometimes a big. cry helps me move on quicker. That release is healing.
Wow! Wow! Wow!! Girl omg THISSSSSSSSS Right here is why I absolutely Love your blog!! You speak your mind like me and tell it like it is!!! DAMN GIRL!!! I absolutely Love you!!! Keep being you!! 🥰😁😁