We all have our perception of what pretty means to us.
We will all go to different lengths to achieve our idea of pretty. NO matter how bad it hurts, some will continue to do it.
I was sitting in a chair at my favorite spa, waiting on my turn to get my eyebrows threaded and facial hair waxed. And as I waited for my name to be called, I heard a woman scream out because she was getting her nose hair waxed. She turned around and looked at all of us waiting for our turn in the torture chair; her eyes were full of tears, her nose red, and she said,
“Why do we do this to ourselves”?
We all looked at one another and said, because we want to be pretty.
I recently began getting settled into bed a little early so I could watch 30 minutes of Botched. Years ago, I watched this show, and I forgot just how interesting it is and how incredible the two plastic surgeons are.
Doctors Terry Dubrow and Paul Nassif come together and fix all the mistakes that other plastic surgeons made on clients searching for their idea of pretty. The men and women have had everything from concrete put into their cheekbones, lips, to leaking and lopsided implants. Some have had breast implants that left their nipples placed in the wrong area.
OH, and nose jobs are the biggest botched jobs. I’ve seen so many people come on the show complaining that they can no longer breathe out of their nose.
So I began to think;
Is society to blame for all the botched surgeries, waxing, threading, and putting our bodies through rigorous workouts?
Are parents to blame for kids searching for pretty, leaving them to feel like looks are all that matter?
Whenever I venture off to Facebook land, I see parents posting about their female kids. I stress females because the majority will refer to them as “my beautiful daughter.” I’m waiting to read more about their daughter.
Like is she just pretty, or is she more than that?
The comments from family and friends will go even further and say,
“OMG, she is absolutely beautiful.”
“She is so gorgeous.”
“Her hair is perfect.”
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Isn’t that why we post our best pictures”? We want people to see us at our best, so we can get a little praise and attention.
I GET IT! But when is enough, ENOUGH!
We live in such a shallow world, and let’s face it, it’s different being a teenager now than it was in the ’70s, ’80s, 90’s and early to mid-2000s. As soon as teenagers open any social media platform, they are faced with standards that no one can live up too. A bunch of photoshopped pictures and delusional captions reading;
“My life is like a vacation,” BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Then we have the Kardashians… so long and hurry up and get off the air. They have made millions off of their plastic butts, boobs, lips, liposuction, and nose jobs.
Once again, forcing teens to want to live up to an impossible standard. They are all fake from head- to -toe and they still photoshop every picture they place on Instagram.
When my girls were little, and people would say they are so pretty, my husband would look at my girls and say, “You’re brilliant too.”
He would honestly do that every single time.
The thought of his girls being in this world thinking that looks are all that mattered sickened him. He has always said that anyone can be pretty, but it’s hard to be brilliant!
Pretty hurts, shine the light on whatever’s worse. Tryna fix something. But you can’t fix what you can’t see. It’s the soul that needs the surgery.
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!
61 Replies to “Pretty Hurts”
This is so right Belladonna. Women specially do this to themself because of social pressure. Parents and other adults around young people should tell them that looks are not the most important part of their personalities.
Amen!!!!!!! We are so much more than that. Beauty starts within. ♥️
Thank you Sadje! I hope you have a wonderful day
You’re welcome 😊
Yes Indeed! this message needs to be screamed from the rooftop!
Its easy to say, but what happens when you get some money, how are you going to spend it? on materialistic things, like cars homes, the money is going to be spent anyways, so in sense we are all materialistic because we want things, so that’s why we judge someone because first impressions are everything.
All things in moderation… It is our desires that drag us away. Shopping can be an addiction or a means for one to feel worthy or significant in someone else eyes. Most millionaires we will not be able to recognize, because of their modest appearance. However, you make a valid point and I agree with it, but there are those who chose chastity and use their money for charity.
Thanks for your engagement and sharing your thoughts with me. I appreciate it. Have a wonderful day
your right about the fact that there are people in this world who are not so self absorbed. I have met a few of them but not to many. yes you are one of the “non self absorbed” people that I have met, its a pleasure to meet good people especially on the web.
Nice to have you met also!
Thank you so much friend! I’m working hard on mentoring young ladies. We all have some Oprah, Michelle Obama, Vice President Harris, and Stacey Abrams in us we just need to reminded of such 😁
I appreciate seeing you over here!!♥️
A powerful and important post, Belladonna. I agree with you and everyone else on the comment thread.
Thank you Jeff!!!! I appreciate you💕
You’re so very welcome, Belladonna! Thank you, my friend, I appreciate you too! ❤️
I’m waiting to read more about their daughter – this is such a key line. It truly hurts so much of human potential with such limited judgments cloaked as compliments. Your post is so very relevant and I loved reading it.
I love reading your comments. I wish more women felt pretty becaus me they are brilliant and not trying to fix something that it already perfect. We are just to hard on ourselves😔
Yes very true, we are really hard on ourselves 💝
And unfortunately it’s so hard to change
its very good idea to teach kids how to appreciate things more. otherwise they’ll grow up not liking what’s on the inside and being obsessed with the outside look.
I agree! I know men feel the pressure to be handsome and muscular but women have it the worse. We are constantly reminded that we should be thin, have perfect hair and features in order to be desirable. UGHH! When really all we need is confidence and let the beauty shine from the inside and focus on being brilliant. Thank you so much for your comment.
I agree, the world is a “looks” place, our first impression is more often than not based on our looks, and teaching that to kids really messes things up, I agree its sad that we have to be so “perfect”. Trying to be perfect is crippling, and that’s why beauty hurts to me.
Your words are beautiful and I so agree and appreciate your comment. I wish that Instagram would stop placing how many people liked your video. It really brings down the mood. So many kids feed off of likes and to them likes mean you’re beautiful! Hate it
You just released a wonderful version of Pretty Hurts.
Beautiful flow of thoughts in words.
I couldn’t agree more. But so we learn everyday. Remind all our children how brilliant they are.
I don’t know why we hold back on those words.
Brilliant, clever, smart , intelligent swells so warm up inside.
We shouldn’t be scared of those words. Some children are shy and hold back and we become a bit shy and cautious as parents to clothe our kids with those words. But we should they have every right to be dressed in brilliance.
As for botched I even stopped watching those repair jobs.
Keep showering us with your talent soaked with knowledge and understanding. It is extremely welcoming and warming to read your advice.
Now let me get back to my play group.
The days become busier and busier.
Have a wonderful morning.
Amen!!! loved you thoughts.
Yes we should flood our kids with positive words that will make them feel like they are invincible. Your play group is so blessed to have you.
Bottched is so hard to watch sometimes but I love to see how the doctors fix up the botched areas.
I agree. You are welcome. I don’t think they have any idea how blessed they are, but it’s all good.
I watched a couple of episodes and that was enough. Never went back there again.
🤣🤣🤣 I don’t blame for not going back. It’s some wild stuff on that show
I know, thanks, i avoid breaking out in a rash.😂 It’s ok, the less I see is good for me.
Girl Belladonna…now that’s a mic-dropping commentary! I so agree with you and it’s not just the young girls who are sucked into the social media mania of beauty. We adults get caught up in the superficial of what others define as beautiful, including the rock-solid abs and voluptuous butt. 🤳🏼
Last month, I posted a similar sentiment about retouching photos for that perfect social media look (https://frombehindthepen.wordpress.com/2021/04/27/distorted-beauty/) among our young girls. Society can be so twisted when it comes down to its rules about what perfection is and what it looks like. 🥰
I love your positive affirmations that you are doing with your girls! Hats off to you and your husband. 👒
Thank you so much!!!!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️
Social media is indeed horrible for all ages😔 I really can’t stand it. I’ve even heard grown women taking about how many likes they received in a picture. Absolutely sickening!!
I’m headed over to read your post now ♥️
Belladonna, you are beautiful inside and out. I’m so glad you have not fallen into that trap. And you are right, it is so sickening and disheartening how many people (females and males) fall into this tragic lie.
Thanks so much for sharing such honesty! Have an awesome week! 💖🥰❤
Awwww you are the best! Thank yo so much and I hope your week is full of blessings and joy!
Thanks so much girl. And enjoy your week as well. Cheers! 🤗🥳🤭
Perfection is the disease of the nation 🙌this is put out so well
Thank you so much 😊
I think you’re brilliant, Belladonna!
Your brilliant to my friend 😍♥️
I heard that for every selfie someone posts on social media, there were 10 taken before it that the person didn’t like enough to post. It’s sad that people want the attention and only show their best selves because those moments when we are “ordinary” are really the most beautiful ones. Most days I don’t wear makeup and, you know what, I feel more comfortable than those days I put on mascara. HUGS
Amen!!!!! I totally agree with you! Hair in a bun, no makeup and baggy pj’s… PERFECTION 😍😍😍
What you conveyed is absolutely true. It’s time to change the way we think. Beauty is not a reflection of one’s personality. Your nature shines brighter than you physical features.
Yeah I think it needs to go even further. Not all kids are pretty or smart. So important for their self esteem to know they are loved.
Wow, how true this post is! Beauty, or at least society’s standard of beauty, surely does hurt yet we do it to ourselves willingly and even happily . . . definitely food for thought! <3
Isn’t that something! We are all so willing to put ourselves through it just to gain acceptance or to be liked! To hell with that👊🏽
Right! Omg, have you seen Madonna lately. Case in point!
Yessssss!!! It’s hard to believe that’s her. I was watching sex and the city series AGAIN and I looked up “what do the stars looks like now”. I was so happy to see Sarah Jessica Parker aging with Grace and naturally. Made me like her even more.
I’ve never really understood all the make up thing….my wife doesn’t use any really…I remember sharing a room with two friends, we are at a race in the mountains,and I made a comment about why they were spending so much time putting on make up, they were gorgeous as is, at least I thought so, and boy was that a mistake…..maybe times will change, and as is will be the norm…..I’m bing watching a show that based in the 80s….omg, the hair!….and yes, I permed my hair back then too
Love big hair and yea huge mistake to comment on a ladies prep work🤣🤣
I don’t know how to apply it right so Instick to the basics but I love watching makeup tutorials. I’m just not into plastic surgery and risking getting a doctor that isn’t trying his best.
I’m grateful that I wasn’t a pretty child—I was an awkward looking tomboy until I got into HS. Instead of beauty and fashion, I focused on developing my personality, intellect, and skills. That development has served me well in adulthood. On the flip side, never hearing that I was pretty also stung—I recognized the currency beauty is in our society. If you don’t have beauty, you have to work harder to be noticed or to get your foot in the door. I
’m sure we’re all guilty of it—we are all enthralled with visually beautiful things, especially people.
Getting caught up in wanting to hear your beautiful or pretty is so normal. We all want someone to feel that way about us. I just struggle with making pretty the focus…I’m like “what else ya got to offer” because honey that’s not enough 😂
And by the way your profile pic is stunning!!!
Agreed—it’s important to be more than a pretty face.
Thank you—and look who’s talking! ♥️
🤍🤍🤍you’re too kind!
That’s pretty good, affirming your girls destiny; absolutely brilliant, what their truth should truly be! As parents, we have to stand between their heart, and words other speak into their lives! Blessings to you, and your family!
Amen Richard!!! We have to let them know that there is so much more to life than focusing on outward beauty!
Blessings to you and your family.