Sex Should Be Free

I originally posted this in December of 2021 and wanted to bing it back because I’m too busy to write something new today.

Let’s get a little deep today. If you are uncomfortable talking about sex, maybe this post isn’t for you. However, if you are open about sexy time, keep reading.

Are we conditioned to expect something in return for offering sex? Not in a sex worker kind of way but more so in a relationship. For instance, there are jokes thrown out all the time about women ordering an expensive meal on the menu; “If she orders that meal, then she better be ready to cough up some sex.” As Absurd and ridiculous as that is, I must admit I used to think about this before ordering anything on the menu.

Instead, I would rather share the cost so that I could avoid the preconceived notion that sex will be presented to you if you buy me a meal. I have no idea if that was a thought in my date’s head, but it was burned in mine.

Now let’s turn the tables. Men aren’t the only ones we should be given the side-eye because of their questionable ways.

Women, do we expect things if we have sex? 

Women are often coined with the term “gold digger.” So does that mean we are willing to have sex to get a new car, house, or go on a shopping spree? I hate to be gender-specific, but it makes this easier to write. I know, and you know that some women will pay for a meal, cell phone, and other bills to get sex. Also, some men will have sex in order to get showered with gifts. 

Social Media is making it easy to get sex for money/material items

It’s becoming quite popular on social Media for men and women to send a proposal in your Direct Messages. The pursuer will tell you how beautiful you are, and then BAM they’ll hit you with; 

” I would love to be your sugar daddy/momma and will pay you weekly.”

Then they’ll let you know that you don’t have to have sex with them; your conversation is enough. If that’s true, and you accept, you are still giving up your time for an intimate conversation in exchange for money. 

Is sex worth a new watch, car, house, shopping spree, or companionship?

Call me old school, but I think sex should be free. 

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!


91 Replies to “Sex Should Be Free”

  1. Really, in all honesty, I think when you’ve given yourself to someone, you’ve invested in that person, and they’ve invested in you. They’ve already received something I consider priceless . . . Whether they want to continue to invest in it as, I’m certain anyone I give myself to, will, is up to him or her. I’ve already given you the biggest part of me . . . Do I expect payment for it, no? But,I damn sure expect you to continue to invest in it.

  2. I’m too old to get propositions… and not wealthy enough to be a cougar lol. I think I expected kindness when I had sex with someone. I guess that set the bar too high… 🙁

    1. I assure you that you are not to old. Thank you for saying that you wanted kindness. So many feel just that. Being treated nicely will suffice but what I’m seeing now with the younger generation is the opposite of that. Money and THINGS are top priority.

  3. I’m the same way, Bella! You can’t put a price on sex because it’s sacred and between two who love each other and pledge to spend the rest of their lives together and make a family. And oooo, girl! When a date has the gall to imply that you OWE him sex because they took you to dinner and a movie, that infuriates me to no end! I’ve actually had a man do that to me years ago when I was in the dating world. I quickly told him I didn’t owe him sh** and told him to “take me home, NOW!” 😡

    I’m so glad I’m married to a good man who loves and respects me. He never crossed that line when we were dating. 💖

    1. Cherie isn’t that the worse?!!!! No meal or movie that good for me to sacrifice my dignity for it. So much nerve.
      I’m so glad you arrived home safely because that could have went so wrong.

      We definitely were lucky and blessed to find good men that know how to respect a woman! So thankful🙌🏾

      1. Oooeee! Ain’t that the truth girl! 💯🎯👍 I guess folks like that think they got gold down there somewhere! 🤣😂🤣😂 The nerve! And you’re right! It could’ve ended tragically! God was definitely watching over me and I’m so grateful. 🙌
        We’re definitely some blessed ladies!

  4. OK Dr. Ruth, is this a continuation of your “Desperation” message? 🤣 And then you went all Kenye on us with “Gold Digger?” 😜 As our senior folks would tell us, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That was mainly geared towards us single girls! 😱 I think I feel Beyoncé’s song “Single Ladies” cranking up in the background…wo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh… 👯‍♀️💍💑

    1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes why buy the cow! They didn’t care who felt attacked by that comment. The good ole days.
      Yes Beyonce is on to something with that song….waving my ✋🏽 in the air!

      1. I guess it’s the gold diggers who are looking to get a ring put on it💍…and a car🚗…and a house🏡…and a yacht🛥…and a private plane🛫…😜 oh oh ooh!

      2. Girl shut the front door! 🤬 But you know what, you see evidence of this all the time, especially with athletes and other celebrities. You see baby bumps popping up all over the place when such relationships are announced, and sadly, these babies are an insurance policy! SMH 😣

  5. What an awesome post, Belladonna. I’ve just started to invest more time on Twitter and Instagram and I was sorta appalled at all of the offers for sex. It’s quite overwhelming if you aren’t prepared. Yes, sex should be free. ❤️

      1. I’m going to right about it eventually. My friend Claudette wrote a post about how gifts don’t equal love. Then I wrote a post about inheritance and people said if it’s a second marriage the new person “deserves” the money more than kids for taking care of partner. So, I think people say one thing but mean another. Sort of like what you’re saying here. Are you nice to someone/sex just to get things in return?

  6. A lot of what you’ve discussed is stereotypes, bad psychological narratives that we tell ourselves about people. This is for so many reasons…
    In short… It totally should be free. If it’s free then it’s going to be free from judgement. Maybe. 🙂

  7. I have six sisters, three daughters and a wife. I know, woman like sex, like men do. Maybe more. Dear Belladonna, sex should be given willingly and with pleasure. I agree. Sex should be free. I remember sitting in a tavern with my sisters. They could turn a soldier’s face red with their discussion. Hello from Michigan dear friend.

    1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I want more of this story!!!!! Thank you John, you just made me laugh out laugh.
      There is nothing better than a woman that can make a man blush🙌🏾😂

      1. Six sisters talking freely about sex. Wise man escape to the bar. I heard women talking, they want more. Not less. Hello dear Belladona.

      2. I have strong sisters. I told my friend. You are lucky I like you. If I didn’t. I would introduce to my sisters. All are divorce and mean.

  8. I personally think sex should certainly be free because otherwise if a relationship or even just dating is based on exchanging things in return, then surely it is not properly based off mutual love/like. Saying that, I know that some people are just after sex and not a relationship, and in this case it may be reasonable to offer things in return, as long as the case js mutually known

  9. I agree it should be free if the situation is beneficial for both genders and given in a union of love and harmony, then it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

    But like the Prudential Insurance used to say that happens in the ideal world, “Everything’s Coming Up Roses,”

    but this is the real world. In many cases it is not beneficial for the woman.

    I say this because when I looked at the dating agenda today. Far too many young women are having sex in hope to find love or to hold on to a man. They get nothing out of these encounters but a broken heart and some end up with fatherless children.

    The term “gold digger” was invented by misogynistic men back in the 1919 and popularized in 1980’s as a way to get sex out of a woman without giving anything in return.

    The 1980’s term was designed to guilt trip the woman or girl into having sex and it seemed to have work too well. There’s an entire forty years of women who believe or think they are being modest and chaste by not demanding anything from a man or a relationship.

    Any man worth a two pences will take a woman out for dinner without the expectation that she jump in the sack with him at the end of the evening. He’s willing to wait until she feels comfortable with having sex. If he isn’t willing to wait, then move on.

    Actually, gold digger, it’s a relatively new concept mainly practiced in the United States of a woman giving away sex for free, The rest of the world, a man have to pay to play. Men can’t get away with the gold digger trope.

    Belladonna uh, you are not old school.. Old school sex was not free by any stretch of the imagination.. A man had to cough up a wedding ring, a house and furniture before any women even considered sleeping with him. Your idea of sex is…. well, is quite modern. 😌

    No, I don’t agree with the Sugar Baby arrangement. I don’t know that person’s life so I can’t speak for whether they should or shouldn’t. I don’t know why they are doing it. I say they shouldn’t do it because there are too many diseases that can kill you are out there.

    The phrase “gold digger” was popularized by Avery Hopwood’s play The Gold Diggers, which premiered at the Lyceum Theatre on Broadway in 1919 and depicted the young women of its story as sly and cunning seductresses of rich men.

    Now, the rich men want her for good looks. If she wasn’t pretty, he wouldn’t have wanted her. 🤣, Now how is one of these people worst than the other when neither has a pure motivation for being with the other. 🤣

  10. A very interesting article. I think sex should be the business between two people who have an understanding of what they are doing and why. I use to be one of those women who felt pressured to pay in kind with sex this is so degrading not anymore. I don’t date, haven’t had a relationship since 2018. I feel free from the bondage of having to please a man. Sex should not be treated so wreckly.

  11. Sex really is to offer us a child at its core, right? then for mutual pleasure, then idk wtf happened that financial sexual exchanges happened. Depending on situations maybe some women back in the days were tired of having forced sex & to be free decided to have sex for the money so there’s more power to it for them? of course they were also forced into by men. More modern tho i feel like its just easy for anyone to use there bodies to get money. Blame Capitalis?? lol I guess its a preference thing *shrug*. I practice celibacy tho and learned many of my sexual encounters were for validation, unless serious relationship to where it was more love making. Its a very big subject, I am all for sexual liberation but I think we need to learn what that actually is!

    1. Ya know you brought up some really good points. It totally could have something to do with back in the day and women wanting something from it and not just tossed to the side empty handed. That is such a good point!!!!

      Good for you for being celibate! This will allow you to have a deeper connection with someone and not based off of how they make you feel sexually. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful thoughts 💖

  12. Sex should be experience that doesn’t make you feel dirty or vilify with yourself

    It should be empowering and climax act erotic Crimson desire

    As you mentioned social media takes the whole correlation of engaging see the expressionism of your counterpoint reactions.

    There things you get from face to face you do not get same essence of euphoria through a screen of sexting.

    I welcome you to read one of my Segments

    Primal R.e.p.r

  13. There is sex and there is sex. There is stuff people call sex that others wouldn’t. Sex is such a vast subject and if one were to put a price on it then the catalogue listing ‘products’ would be huge. I have yet to find a sexual partner where the sex was free and I’m in my fifties. I suspect my ex lovers feel the same for different reasons!

      1. We could call it The Sex Catalogue. I think it’d would make great reading! We could compile it and publish, allowing readers to put a price on what they think an activity should cost…and to add to it, if we’ve missed anything out. 😉

  14. Sex should absolutely be free, but we all pay for sex, at least indirectly in life. A gold digger, however, is directly using sex to gain money and material things. I’d rather be in the middle. Free sex, but with a tip for great service.

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