It’s a new year, and it’s time to keep it real!
There is always that one person that we either wish or wished would change, but we know they never will. However, if they did, it may have changed the trajectory of your life.
We all deal with hurt and pain differently. You can’t tell me how to handle my pain, and I can’t tell you. The only advice I have is to be true to you. Be good to you, and love the life you’re living. If you don’t like it, then change it! Which I know is challenging if you keep falling down the same traps.
The trap of wanting someone to change. Giving that one person so much power is detrimental to your soul. I know it’s hard to let go of wanting change to come and want to slap them upside the head. Trust me; I know firsthand because I’ve spent most of my life drooling for that to happen. But it never did, nor will it.
One day I was sitting at my desk staring out my bedroom window. And I felt so sad—no particular reason. Just a wave of sadness overcame me, leading me to replay certain events from my life. But, of course, only the painful ones came to the forefront.
Isn’t that how it works? Kick me when I’m down, so to speak.
You can have a trillion happy memories, but those painful ones always take the forefront. I hate that, but that’s the way it goes. So as I felt sorrowful, I jotted down this list of why I want change to occur.
The list may seem selfish to some, but it’s meant to be because this is about personal feelings, and what it would have taken to heal me if I had not healed myself.
*Side note, writing, dancing, and working out are my saviors*
10 Reasons why I wanted you to change
- It Will Heal My Heart
- I’ll Have Someone To Lean On
- My Scars Will Fade
- I Desire Something That You Will Never Be
- My Past Will Make Sense
- I’ll Be a Better Person
- Hope Will Restore
- You’ll See I’m Worth Loving
- You’ll Give Me What I Always Needed
- You won’t want to leave me
If you have a similar feeling, ease yourself by writing down a list and become everything you jotted down.
You may never get that person to show you love, but you can give love to others by becoming everything you needed that person to be. And that, too, will heal your soul.
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!
~Belladonna~
Oh Belladonna, I can truly connect to what you mean. I can be sitting sometimes, not thinking about anything in particular and slowly felt unexplainably sad. I think this is why I write constantly. I recognize the sadness, but I try to do what I must do to positively flip the script. Thanks for sharing your transparency in this regard my dear. 🤩🙆🏽♀️🤗
Thanks Kym! Isn’t it funny how writing can help you flip a situation. Finding a positive way to cope and move on can be difficult but writing is my savior
Girlfriend what you talkin’ about? 🥳 Somehow, we find our personal and a positive way to navigate through challenging situations. Yes, writing is certainly a lifesaver, that’s for sure! ✍🏽🥰✍🏽
Amen to that!
What a wonderful idea! I think I have done much of this inadvertently. I responded to the hurt of men disrespecting me by being more present for my family and friends 💗
That’s exactly how it’s done! I know you raised some great kiddos.
This technique has helped me sooo much and pulled me out of a dark place.
So relatable, Belladonna. Great list and wonderful ideas. Love it 💕
Thank you so much Grace. I’m so happy you feel that way🤍
My pleasure. Absolutely 💕
Wow! Such a wonderful post! Invites to reflection, great idea!
Thank’s for share, Belladonna.
Yes absolutely! Thank you Elvira🤍
Thank’s Belladonna! 🙏🤍
This is a wonderful perspective. Thank you!!
Thank you Michelle. I try to learn from others mistakes in hopes to not repeat them.
Wow, I really love your call to action to write down a list and then become the things we wrote down! There is so much power in embodying our hopes and aspirations. 🙂
Amen Layla!!! I’m so happy you liked this. Doing this changed my perspective on so many things. Brought back my happy and the need to make others content with how I show them love
like that list. I keep going over what I heard someone that said everything in the past is in the past…and doesn’t matter. I have regrets like anyone else…there is,was one person in my life that I’d love to make amends with, I would like to settle some things…..but, well….I guess you just let it go…
Warren if it’s still on your mind then you should do it! My daughter and I talked about this yesterday. We made a list of people we were calling to just reach and say Hi. Maybe not fix something if it’s not fixable but we will atleast let them
Know they are in our mind.
I hope you reach out! Please keep me posted!!!!
thanx….will make the attempt.
That’s AWESOME!!! You are going to feel so much relief 🙌🏽
Dearest Bella, every post of yours inspires me so much that I get my inner peace and strength just by reading them. Thank you and Kym so much for being such strong pillars and inspirations in my life. ‘I am unable to reach out to Cherie White who’s another wonderful inspiring friend whose blogs on bullying have helped me a lot. God bless all of you with all the happiness. ❤❤❤😘😊😊
You are the best!!!!And you help me as well! You are strength my friend and your courage pours through your writing.
Thanks for sharing your inner most feelings
Thank you for your support Sadje!😍
Always, my friend
Wow, Belladonna…”but you can give love to others by becoming everything you needed that person to be” Profound wisdom there 💞💞💞
Thank you so much Dawn! I have gained so much peace by doing this.
I feel you when it comes to having thoughts that kick you when you’re down! I could be having the best day but if something causes a bad memory to surface or if someone says something that gets my inner critic going, it’s hard to pull myself out of the loop of almost fantasizing about my life getting worse and worse. It can last for days and can be caused by just one sentence sometimes. I know what I have to do to get out of that headspace but, in the moment, it’s hard to pull the trigger and do it!
I could have used a better phrase than pull the trigger in that context, lol. I meant get myself out of my funk, not something else. 😂
Oh I totally get it. I didn’t even pick that up! LOL
Oh wow I felt this comment so deep! When a bad memory or thought get in your head you feel paralyzed and find yourself stuck starring off for awhile. I guess the hurt will never leave but it can get easier to deal with.
Thank you so much for reading.
I will definitely be writing a list. I have thoughts kicking me down on both good and bad days but the most important thing for me is to control my mind and remind myself that those are just thoughts. Nothing more.
Exactly Pooja!!!! Unwanted intrusive thoughts.
Wow
That’s intelligent sayings
And it’s a 100 percent fact
Thank you so much 😊
You’ve written many words of truth, Belladonna! <3
Thank you Susi🤍🤍🤍🤍 I appreciate that!
You’re very welcome, Belladonna! <3