I know saying sorry is a polite thing to say BUT…..
We say it way too often, and we shouldn’t apologize about most things. Are you guilty of apologizing for being late to a party or having to say no?
Let me tell you!
I used to apologize for being me. There are things about me that I can not help, and for those things, I felt the need to say, “I’m sorry I’m like this.” Then one day, I said HELL TO THE NO; I am who I am because this is the way God made me and/or my environment changed me into this. And for that reason alone, you will not get an apology, so don’t hold your breath waiting on one.
I grew up quickly; I saw many awkward things, witnessed terrible encounters between others, endured hardship, pain, and a series of unfortunate events. Those things made me a little rough, soft, wiser, bulletproof, full of emotion, and emotionless.
I don’t apologize for any of it, and neither should you!
The guilt of saying no
I am guilty of feeling guilty when I was invited somewhere and had to say no. I’ve even had guilt arise when I was late showing up to something. But here’s the kicker, I have had regret for showing up just as I am. As if being me deserves an apology.
Nope, I’m no longer apologizing for that, and neither should you!
Whenever I say sorry, I instantly feel like I’ve done something terribly wrong, and I feel some type of way about myself. That feeling had to go, so this is what I did to get rid of that unwanted feeling.
How to stop saying sorry
- Throw the whole word out
- Instead of saying sorry, say, unfortunately, I can’t make it.
- Don’t begin a sentence by saying I’m sorry for feeling this way or I’m sorry that I am this way.
- Own who you are and have enough confidence to stand up for yourself
- Never allow anyone to question who you are or what makes you, you.
- Stop looking for forgiveness for silly things. Not all things matter.
- If you arrive late, give the reason if deemed necessary and skip the I’m sorry to act.
Saying sorry put me into defense mode, and that stressed me out. Therefore a change was needed.
You could have chosen any blog to read but you chose mine, and I’m honored!
~Belladonna~
I must be an outlier but I never feel guilty about saying NO! I’m glad you’ve decided to lose the guilt. It’s all about personal boundaries. I do say “I’m sorry” but it’s when I hear someone talk about their woes– and I feel empathy for their plight.
Girl and that’s the only time you should say sorry!! I’m trying to be like you!!!
I’m definitely getting so much better, I was so awful about saying sorry way too much.
Such wonderful and wise advice, Belladonna. Great share.💕
Thank you so much Grace! I used to say sorry and YES way too much 😁
You are so welcome. Glad you had that realization💕
Me too Grace!
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I think we are conditioned to say sorry from an early age. I know i say it way to much.
You are so right!!!! I taught my kids not to apologize but speak your truth and say No as often as you need to.
Do you still find it difficult to stop yourself from apologizing?
Sometimes, it’s so ingrained in my mind set. But I try not to say it as often as I used to or feel like I have to, even if I have done nothing to aplogize for. It’s a process.. No is even harder sometimes.
I am totally with you, it’s a process and dyou have to constantly remind yourself that it’s okay and no apology os necessary. No is so hard!!!! But I am working on it. Keep me posted on your progress! We got this!
Wow! Great post! Sometimes it happends.
Thank’s for share, Belladonna.
Enjoy your evening!
Thank you Elvira!!!!! I hope you a fantastic night 💜💜💜
Thank’s Belladonna! You as well.
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Thanks for sharing! This used to be me. Always saying sorry to make a situation better. Then I just stopped one day. Now people can sense when I’m going to say no or something they don’t want to hear. 😂 Made me feel a lot better.
Girllllll yes!!! That’s taking your power back. Saying no feels good and not giving one I’m sorry is freeing 💜💜💜
Good for you 😍
Thank you!🤗
I agree!
Thank you!!! So good to see you over here💖💖💖
I had a similar upbringing. I think we learn to apologize and take the blame for stuff we weren’t even responsible for because it was easy and safe. You gave great advice.
Yes Molly, always saying sorry for things that we aren’t responsible for. Enough of that. Whenever I say Immediately feel like I did something wrong.
I’m glad you liked this one!
Sorry Belladonna…wait, oh you said NOT to say sorry! 😲 So sorry about that! My bad! 🤣😜😂 Girlfriend, you are right on with the truth. Forever apologizing, getting stressed out, and nobody gives a crap whether you are sorry or not, ain’t cool or popular! Great message ladybug!!! 🐞🤗🦋🌞💋😘
You’re a mess and I love it! LOLOLOLOL
😱🤣😜😂😝
That was so me for years. Thankfully son is not like that.
My kids aren’t either and I love that. Good for you and your son. HUGE accomplishment.
Be careful with me.
what do you mean?
Saying sorry way much sometimes makes you feel like you are devaluing your worth. We should stop that ASAP
You hit the mail on the head!!!!! I couldn’t agree more. Whenever I say it for something I shouldn’t be sorry for I feel smaller and less confident.
Thank you for adding that point and I’m so happy to see your comment.
Oh yeah. I need to work on this! Thank you 💜
I’m still working on it too Paula🤦🏽♀️
Bravo! This is what we need to do.
Thank you Sadje!!! Yes we definitely do😍😍😍
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Very empowering post. A minute’s read can change your hour’s thoughts. Good job. Keep spreading self-love!
Awwww thank you for saying that!!! You made my day.
I was just thinking this the other day as I gracefully backed down from an argument and told the other person why. Sometimes you just need to keep quiet and keep moving.
That’s right!!!!! Good for you. Not every argument is worth having.
On the flip side, there are those who are appalled because I DON’T say I’m sorry very often. The entire thing needs to be revamped from all sides–those feeling guilty, and those having unreasonable expectations or being judgmental. We’re all just trying to live our best lives–let’s stop being sorry, or expecting others to feel sorry, when it’s unnecessary.
Amen!!!!!!!!!!!! Best comment ever. I totally agree with. Enough is enough!!!
I use sorry excessively. Many times I don’t use it for what sorry means, but more just to be polite. However, I don’t feel bad when others don’t apologise. I don’t find it impolite. So, I was wondering one day why I was so conscious of how I respond to someone, after which I started checking myself to see if I have to say sorry or say thanks. Not completely there yet, but improving. I find saying ‘no’ very difficult though, and I’ve gotten myself into things that I did not want to do just because I could not say no.
You are hitting some berry relatable points. It’s funny that people who say sorry a lot often find it difficult to say no. I was one of those people and then I evaluated how many people are in my corner when I need them. Is our relationship/friendship one sided.
I found a balance of being there for the people who are always ther for me and saying HELL TO NO to all others. 😂😂😂
And saying sorry makes my skin crawl now unless I was wrong. I’m that case it flows out easily.
Keep me posted on your progress😍💖
I had this guilt of saying ‘NO’ and i won’t lie i still have..but now I’ve understood when to apologise…And now i know that my people would always understand and accept me as I’m and would never demand an explanation for my decisions.
That’s right!!! People who truly love you never won’t you to apologize for being you. Keep saying no and watch how powerful you feel. Taking your time back is a big deal! 😍
Oh and thank you so much for stopping by!😍
It’s my pleasure!❤️
Love your writing
Thank you!!!!! Welcome to my blog, so happy to have you here.💖
I apologize way too often, usually for stuff that isn’t my fault exactly. I think it comes from the fear of being yelled at, honestly.
YESSSSSS! I didn’t even think about that but you are so right. Thank you for adding that!
Oh wow!!!! Thank you 😊
Love this!!
Thank you Hallie!!! Welcome to my blog. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 💜💜💜💜
I love this! We owe it to ourselves to stop apologizing for everything! Great message.
Hi Christine!!! Thank you so much for stopping by💜
It’s so tiring when you feel the need to apologizing and for something not worthy of apology.
This is great. Learning one’s boundaries is important, but being able to communicate them is extremely hard. I have been working to remember my ability to say no and to use it when appropriate. I love fierce posts like this that help us implement our own tools!
Thank you for reading and commenting, I’m so happy you liked this post. I try to post things that I’m either struggling with or have struggles with in hopes to help someone along the way. Keep working on saying no as much as possible!! It will get so easy and before you know it NO will just fly right out of your mouth 😂
Powerful words
Appreciate that!
Apologies are needed, and should be adhered to when one is guilty of a heinous ‘crime,’ not for incidentals caused by inexorable circumstances like the weather…!
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Exactly!!!!!! I feel the same way
Never apologize for who you are. No one knows the depth of what you’ve been through but you.
I have been through things at a very early age too, I know!
Some people will never understand the shoes you’ve walked in as they would have never been able to walk in them and still stand up straight as you have.
I love that last line 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Spot on! We’re apologizing because we were raised with good manners. But ever since entering adulthood I found that I don’t need to say sorry as much especially when I’m not wrong. Sorry not sorry! LOL!
Nailed it!!!!! I noticed that I was saying sorry the silliest things and it made me feel guilty about something. No more of that crap! And yes Sorry not sorry! 🤣🤣