This week I felt every emotion imaginable!
At the beginning of July, I wanted to pull the band-aid off and see my son off to college. But the night before we said our goodbyes, I cried myself t sleep. I CRIED FROM 9 pm until I passed out. Then, my husband gently rubbed my back and assured me everything would be okay.
The moment we said goodbye
Then the moment I dreaded came, Monday morning, my son gave me the biggest hug, kissed my forehead, and said, “mom, I love you.”
At that moment, I melted in his arms and felt helpless. It felt like my soul was being snatched from my body. I stared at him until he was out of sight.
Then just like that, I was in a vast room filled with weepy-eyed parents. Each one felt the same pain, pride, and hurt. We were a bunch of strangers leaning on each other for support. Yet, oddly we all felt like we had known each other for years.
So I guess it’s true what has been said about traumatic events. They can quickly pull people together and create an instant bond.
Slowly moving on
I was depressed and angry by Tuesday night because he wasn’t within my reach. His room was clean, and waiting for him to come walking in.
My last meal was on Sunday at about 4 pm. I might have had 16 ounces of water at this point. So what happened next was bound to happen.
I was lying on the floor and stood up quickly. When I stood up, I was met with a severe dizzy spell. But I figured it was due to me jumping up to fast. So I proceeded to walk downstairs, and the right side of my body fell limp. I stumbled down my stairs and grabbed ahold of my counter.
Luckily for me, my husband and daughter were in the kitchen then.
I tried my best to ask them for water, but I couldn’t move my tongue. It felt heavy and gummy. So I lifted my left hand and banged it as hard as possible on the counter. The bang caused my husband and daughter to jump up and hand me water. Their eyes were filled with horror and shock.
My heart was beating a mile a minute, causing me to hyperventilate!
My husband grabbed me up and helped me to the couch. I drank three bottles of water and slowly calmed down. I laid down for a few hours, then slowly went upstairs to shower and get in my bed for the night.
When I woke up on Wednesday, I promised myself that I would allow myself to feel, but I would do it responsibly.
Sadness can kill you.
I know that being sad can lead to deep depression. Depression can lead you to make poor choices. My poor choices were simply not eating and drinking water.
So today, I am allowing myself to feel responsibly. I’m looking forward to all of my tomorrows. And with God’s help, I will see them!
I am OKAY because I can hear the words “mom I love you”