Posted on by Belladonna

The Journey Begins. Last Night at Home

For the foreseeable future, I will be very transparent and let my feelings fly.

I’m not usually vulnerable. Most of the time, I view that as weakness, and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s a weak person. Although there is a different type of weakness that I despise more than others, which is chasing after someone that doesn’t want to be pursued. (I’ll discuss this in further detail in a future series in the works).

Last Night Home

Tonight is my son’s last night home before he heads to college. I’m trying to muster up the courage to say goodbye to him, and I don’t know if I can do it.

Lately, I have found myself staring at him and watching his every move. I’m going to miss being around his sweet spirit. He has genuinely made parenting for my husband and me a breeze, which is why I’m so angry that these damn 18 years have flown by this fast. To think that I have heard the stairs creek for the last time because of his heavy feet; makes my knees buckle.

Last Meal at Home

Friday night is pizza night. For the past 21 years, we have pushed everything to the back seat and sit as a family to watch movies and eat pizza. This is our day to reconnect and enjoy US.

But tonight was different. He daydreamed throughout the entire night…lost in his thoughts.

I asked him if he was okay, and he responded with a half-smile and a quick yes each time. I pray he’s okay because I will be too if he is. However, one thing is for sure; my husband is NOT okay. He’s usually full of energy and cracking jokes on Friday night, but tonight he too was deep in thought and oddly silent.

Last One Up

It’s currently 2:24, and I’m too exhausted to sleep. For the past few nights, I’ve cried myself to sleep. And right now, I’m scared for the sun to rise. When the sun rises, my son will too. The long goodbye will start, and my heart will sink.

The love I have for that kid is hard to describe.

His bags are packed, and so are ours.. ready but not ready to head to the airport….. We dread the plane ride home alone without our boy. 

Mixed Emotions

I’ve never had a feeling of my heart being torn to shreds and feeling so much pride at the same time. Of course, we hate that he’s going to be gone, but at the same time, we are looking forward to him completing his degree at a prestigious college and doing what he loves; playing football.

Final thoughts

I’m finally tired, so off to bed, I go.

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

28 Replies to “The Journey Begins. Last Night at Home”

  2. I cannot imagine what it feels like to watch your only son and middle child leave for college, but I have this feeling he’s going to be quite all right. I hope you will be too, in time, Bella. 🙏🏾💜

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  3. Congratulations to you, your husband and your son. College is such an awesome experience. The way you describe him makes it clear that this have filled your little human turned young man with l what he needs to leave his mark. The tears are natural and so is the pride. You wink have so many new milestones and accomplishments that the next four years will fly by like the next 18. There is so much goodness to come. I have 2 amazing daughters that I experienced that good-bye with but it was so fun watching them play college ball and become the professionals, brides, home owners, parents,… the best is yet to come.

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    1. This out the biggest smile on my face!!!! Thank you for those words. I needed to read all of this because right now I am struggling so hard.
      It’s so odd to goodbye to them after seeing them everyday for 18 years. Then all of a sudden you blink and they are grown 😩😩🥺

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      5. As you read this, you have awakened refreshed and renewed. 🤭😎😍 So has your son too. 👍🏼 Today is a little bit better than yesterday. Just take it one day at a time girlfriend. 🤗🙏🏼😘

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Kelli and Eli…my heart aches with yours. I’ve been there. We never think about our last family meal, Christmas time together…etc. My prayers are with you.. I love you both. I’m so proud of him and where he’s going in life with a new chapter just starting…

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