For the foreseeable future, I will be very transparent and let my feelings fly.
I’m not usually vulnerable. Most of the time, I view that as weakness, and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s a weak person. Although there is a different type of weakness that I despise more than others, which is chasing after someone that doesn’t want to be pursued. (I’ll discuss this in further detail in a future series in the works).
Last Night Home
Tonight is my son’s last night home before he heads to college. I’m trying to muster up the courage to say goodbye to him, and I don’t know if I can do it.
Lately, I have found myself staring at him and watching his every move. I’m going to miss being around his sweet spirit. He has genuinely made parenting for my husband and me a breeze, which is why I’m so angry that these damn 18 years have flown by this fast. To think that I have heard the stairs creek for the last time because of his heavy feet; makes my knees buckle.
Last Meal at Home
Friday night is pizza night. For the past 21 years, we have pushed everything to the back seat and sit as a family to watch movies and eat pizza. This is our day to reconnect and enjoy US.
But tonight was different. He daydreamed throughout the entire night…lost in his thoughts.
I asked him if he was okay, and he responded with a half-smile and a quick yes each time. I pray he’s okay because I will be too if he is. However, one thing is for sure; my husband is NOT okay. He’s usually full of energy and cracking jokes on Friday night, but tonight he too was deep in thought and oddly silent.
Last One Up
It’s currently 2:24, and I’m too exhausted to sleep. For the past few nights, I’ve cried myself to sleep. And right now, I’m scared for the sun to rise. When the sun rises, my son will too. The long goodbye will start, and my heart will sink.
The love I have for that kid is hard to describe.
His bags are packed, and so are ours.. ready but not ready to head to the airport….. We dread the plane ride home alone without our boy.
I’ve never had a feeling of my heart being torn to shreds and feeling so much pride at the same time. Of course, we hate that he’s going to be gone, but at the same time, we are looking forward to him completing his degree at a prestigious college and doing what he loves; playing football.
I’m finally tired, so off to bed, I go.
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!