Forgive, Forget, and Grudges

I don’t want to say that I hold grudges, but I take notes, and I hold on to them. I’ve been known to look over those notes from time to time, and they remind me why I can never trust you again.

Today I was reading a post about forgiveness, which is what inspired this post. I grew up being told to forgive and forget. I struggled with that when I was a young Bella and as an adult, I refuse. Now the forgive part I can do, but I will never forget. If I allow myself to put what you did or who you are past me, I will continue to be fooled by your ways.

Who has time for that? Not I.

To me, there is a big difference between holding a grudge and not forgetting what you did to me. Grudges are for older people, old bitter people. We all know that person that prides themselves on holding a grudge. They look as simple as they sound. We all make mistakes, and if you believe in a higher being, you ask God to forgive you. We believe that he does, and we move on. But somehow, someway, that old bitter person sees it differently. They march to a different beat and claim that their double standards work for them. I doubt it because they look miserable.

I, however, will forgive and let it go. I’m not God; my time is limited on this earth, so with that being said, I will not allow you back in my life, but we can be cordial or not. It doesn’t matter to me. All I know is I don’t have time to waste. Therefore I can only focus on, forgiving you to allow peace to live within my soul.

But then I have to release you, and it’s scary how easy that is for me. But I blame it on a lifetime of disappointment.

When I was younger, I wore my heart on my sleeve, and over the years, I began to cover it with one sweater after another. Now my heart is buried somewhere deep, deep, deep within. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a nice person but I’m super suspicious of everyone I meet. I’m so used to people disappointing me that I sit quietly and wait for the reveal. But now, when it finally happens, I’m no longer shocked or FEEL anything! I immediately forgive you even if you didn’t ask, and then I let go. But it’s just too complicated for me ever to let my guard down and allow you back into my life. The only people that I could ever do that for our my children.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to expand on this topic, but in the meantime, I would love to hear how you all handle disappointment. Do you hold grudges, or have a hard time forgiving, or are you able to forgive and forget?

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!


18 Replies to “Forgive, Forget, and Grudges”

  1. I’m ok at forgiving, but some things are hard to forget. I think I have to forgive over & over a lot, but I do try. I keep it to myself though. I don’t ever let whoever wronged me know that some past thing may still be haunting me, but sometimes I can’t help which memories creep back up.

    1. It’s hard to get it out and let someone know what they did but it’s the most honest and freeing thing you can do… do it for you! I’m going through that right now and I can’t wait to let this person know why I’m bothered.

  2. Really great topic, Belladonna. Forgiveness is for ourselves. For in forgiving and forgetting (the hard part, I agree!) comes the gift of Being forgiven, which, is The Blessing. Amen💖

  3. KI can forgive, but like you, I never forget. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Therefore, if I get burnt once there is no way I will put myself in a position to get burnt again. I can be cordial, but without trust.

  4. I don’t hold grudges but I never forget. Ever. I can forgive but am more concerned with forgiving myself tbh. Like forgiving myself for having trusted someone again and then getting burned… again.

    Also… I believe that this whole forgiving and loving people unconditionally does not have to apply to everyone. Some people don’t deserve your love and forgiveness especially if they continue to shit on you. I only hope that they can start loving and forgiving themselves so they can eventually (hopefully) become somewhat decent humans. But I won’t be around to see that happen for them… and I’m way ok with that.

    I have let so many people go over the last few years. I regret that it got to that point but don’t regret freezing certain people out. Samantha Jones said it best: It’s not that I don’t love YOU: I just love ME more. I live by that now and I don’t care if that means I am selfish. I am and it took me my whole life to be so. Wouldn’t change it for all the people-pleasing in the world. Great post. Thanks for sharing 😊🌷

    1. TJ this was a great comment and so eye opening! I agree with you. Some folks don’t deserve to be loved by you. Especially after they have showed you over and over again that they don’t mean you well. So why waste energy with that foolishness. Way too many people in this world that fits your vibe.

  5. I forgive quickly because I know no one is perfect but it’s really hard for me to forget. Let’s just say I never forget. It stays at the back of my mind. I refuse to be taken for granted.

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