I don’t want to say that I hold grudges, but I take notes, and I hold on to them. I’ve been known to look over those notes from time to time, and they remind me why I can never trust you again.
Today I was reading a post about forgiveness, which is what inspired this post. I grew up being told to forgive and forget. I struggled with that when I was a young Bella and as an adult, I refuse. Now the forgive part I can do, but I will never forget. If I allow myself to put what you did or who you are past me, I will continue to be fooled by your ways.
Who has time for that? Not I.
To me, there is a big difference between holding a grudge and not forgetting what you did to me. Grudges are for older people, old bitter people. We all know that person that prides themselves on holding a grudge. They look as simple as they sound. We all make mistakes, and if you believe in a higher being, you ask God to forgive you. We believe that he does, and we move on. But somehow, someway, that old bitter person sees it differently. They march to a different beat and claim that their double standards work for them. I doubt it because they look miserable.
I, however, will forgive and let it go. I’m not God; my time is limited on this earth, so with that being said, I will not allow you back in my life, but we can be cordial or not. It doesn’t matter to me. All I know is I don’t have time to waste. Therefore I can only focus on, forgiving you to allow peace to live within my soul.
But then I have to release you, and it’s scary how easy that is for me. But I blame it on a lifetime of disappointment.
When I was younger, I wore my heart on my sleeve, and over the years, I began to cover it with one sweater after another. Now my heart is buried somewhere deep, deep, deep within. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a nice person but I’m super suspicious of everyone I meet. I’m so used to people disappointing me that I sit quietly and wait for the reveal. But now, when it finally happens, I’m no longer shocked or FEEL anything! I immediately forgive you even if you didn’t ask, and then I let go. But it’s just too complicated for me ever to let my guard down and allow you back into my life. The only people that I could ever do that for our my children.
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to expand on this topic, but in the meantime, I would love to hear how you all handle disappointment. Do you hold grudges, or have a hard time forgiving, or are you able to forgive and forget?
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!