I’m older, and I’m wiser!
With that being said, I know what to expect out of people. Therefore my guard will remain up and intact. For the most part, I will just redirect my focus and pretend like you don’t exist. I guess this is the way I self protect.
We all deal with hurt and pain differently. You can’t tell me how to handle my pain, and I can’t tell you. The only advice I have is to be true to you. Be good to you, and love the life you’re living. If you don’t like it, then change it! Which I know isn’t easy if you keep falling down the same traps.
The trap of wanting someone to change. Giving that one person so much power is detrimental to your soul. I know it’s hard to let go of wanting change to come and just slap them upside the head. Trust me, I know first hand because I’ve spent the bulk of my life drooling for that to happen. But it never did nor will it.
One day I was sitting at my desk staring out my bedroom window. And I felt so sad—no particular reason. Just a wave of sadness came over me, and that led me to replay certain events over my life. Of course, only the painful ones came to the forefront. Isn’t that how it works. Kick me when I’m down, so to speak. You can have a trillion happy memories, but those painful ones always take the forefront. I hate that, but that’s the way it goes. So as I felt sorrowful, I jotted down this list of why I want change to occur. The list may seem selfish to some, but it’s meant to be. Because this is about me, my feelings, and what it would have taken to heal me if I had not healed myself.
*Side note, writing, dancing, and working out are my saviors*
- It Will Heal My Heart
- I’ll Have Someone To Lean On
- My Scars Will Fade
- I Desire Something That You Will Never Be
- My Past Will Make Sense
- I’ll Be a Better Person
- Hope Will Restore
- You’ll See What I’m Worth Loving
- You’ll Give Me What I Always Needed
- You won’t want to leave me
If you have a similar feel, ease yourself by writing down a list and become everything you jotted down. You may not get that one person to show you, love. But you can offer it to someone else. And that too will heal your soul.
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!