44 and Redefining ME

Pull out a chair and grab some coffee, tea, or your favorite wine. Because today I need to chat and get this off of my chest.

I have been a mom, wife, and trainer for way too long and one of these things has to go. Since I don’t plan on getting a divorce EVER and mommy mode is my sweet spot, then that must mean that training life has got to go!!!!

For four long years, I’ve been dying to pull the plug on my fitness career, but I was comfortable. It was easy for me to sit behind my desk and brainlessly write a plan for my clients, and then get up and demonstrate over and over again. I felt like my brain was slipping out of my head and rolling straight to the nearest sewer. I wasn’t growing anymore as a person, and all my time to expand was stolen from me.

To be an effective trainer, you have to care. I mean, you have to really care ALOT for all of your clients. I had to be ready to talk them off the cliff daily. And that can add up to a lot of talking, especially when dealing with a large number of clients. But the kicker is after I would hang up the phone from giving an hour pep talk, I knew that tomorrow we would be back at square one.

Motivation is Dead

Towards the end of each of my phone calls, I would hear an upbeat tick in their voice, followed by a small glance of hope. But as soon as I stopped talking, all of their motivation would DIE! I just couldn’t live through this anymore. I needed a lifeline after I would hang up because I felt defeated and drained. As a result of trying to save others, my own motivation began suffering a slowly brutal death.

Blah To Mondays

I started to hate Mondays!!!! With Mondays came devastating news about what they ate over the weekend and how a mysterious 5 pounds just showed up. As if you thought eating fast food and drinking alcohol was apart of your diet plan.

I’m just over it, and I refuse to live one more moment doing something that I have grown out of. Being a personal trainer leaves me bored to pieces. I have officially closed my ears, and I could care less how much cake, cookie, pies, donuts you eat. You can sit your behind on the couch and not move for the rest of your life. If you like not moving and challenging yourself, then I LOVE it.

Wild horses couldn’t get a pep talk out of me!

Chapter 44

So here I am at 44, feeling fearless. I’m redefining who I am and tapping back into God’s plan. So stay tuned as I get comfortably uncomfortable.

You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

11 thoughts on “44 and Redefining ME

  1. Well, from what you’ve written, its clear that a change of direction is needed for you. Without getting maudlin, life is short enough and if you have the opportunity to find something that satisfies you, then go for it! Good luck with your deliberations!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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