I will hang on to a trash friendship and try to breathe life into it.

Even when I don’t hear a heartbeat, I’ll still sit there with hope in my heart. That was until recently, I’ve learned to let go and not look back. Once I reached 40 I grew an extremeely high appreciation for life. And stop caring who liked me and who didn’t. I’ll match your energy and give you whatever you give me.

Nothing more and nothing less!

Let me give you a back story about me. I’m a cancer, and I think we are naturally caring and nurturing people. We will find the good in a roach and hope that they will get their shit together and stop sneaking into people’s homes. Cancers will love you and be one of the few that you can depend on. That is until you give us a reason not to. It takes a lot, but when we are there, BAEBAE make no mistakes about it.

WE ARE DONE!

We can smell a snake and will treat you just like that. But since we are only human, sometimes we will make a mistake and let one slither in. Like I mentioned previously, we naturally care about people, and the wrong folks will sneak in with a sad “woe is me” story, and we will listen and want to help you in any way we can. Which, in return, will suck the freakin life out of us. And right about this time, I just want to punch you in the face. Because I know this friendship is a one-way street.

I know damn well if I come to that person with a problem, they will not listen. In fact, the conversation will go right back to them.

I’m too old for the fuckery, so don’t test me with that!

Then there lives the ones that come with a sweet smile and fully attentive. Well, until they aren’t. They keep you guessing from day to day if your friendship is on or OFF. Some days are good, like really really good, and then bam, communication is cut. Then there I am texting or calling to see “how ya doing”? And/or “what ya doing.” For a while, the conversation is smooth, and the friendship is back on.

Then, POOF, we’re off again, and I didn’t even see it coming. Well, actually, I did because it happens all the damn time. Still, I sit there, replaying our recent events in my head, and trying to determine what went wrong.

Then the other day, my niece posted something on Instagram that really caught my eye. The post stated:

“Stop calling and checking on your “friend” and see if they call and check on you.” Well, maybe that’s not the exact wording, but you get my point. So I did just that, and I haven’t heard a peep out of her—a 10-year “friendship” out the door.

So there you have it. That’s when you know it’s time to let go of the friend you thought you had. It’s time to end things if you’re the only one putting forth effort.

Embrace what you really have and what you always had. You had someone you could laugh with, and that’s it. Stop trying to make it more than that.

That’s what I’m telling myself.

You could have chosen a blog, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~