I’m A Train Wreck But Yet I Smile

Who in the world knew that parenting would be so hard. I feel like I’m continually moving either in front of or away from a tornado.

My life is literally a walking disaster, but I smile and pretend like I have all my ducks in a row.

Truth be told, I’m a train wreck, and I’m always in a state of confusion!

How many of you feel like you have 10 thoughts going on in your head at the same time? Or You feel like no matter how hard you try to do the right thing for your kids, you still mess up?

This morning I was talking to my husband about our three kids. I told him that I feel like we had the right idea concerning how to raise our kids, but maybe we took a slight left when we should’ve taken a hard right.

Let me make a long story short and bitter!

We were 93% sure that we were making the right decision of where we should raise or oldest daughter. She was getting bullied at her previous school, and her teachers advised us that she didn’t belong at that current school. She needed an environment that catered to her artsy side and challenged her mentally.

So we did just that.

After two years of searching for a different environment, we enrolled her into a fantastic school, but every day she came home crying. She was the new girl, and it has always been difficult for her to put herself out there and meet friends. Well, not anymore, thank goodness.

Eventually, things calmed down, and she found her groove and excelled in everything and made more friends than I can count.

Then there’s my son. He thrived academically and socially in our previous location and had friends that were just as wild and crazy as he was. He looked forward to hanging out and playing rough. Just about every day, I would receive a call from the school nurse, and she would say, don’t be alarmed, but your son and about 6 of his friends are in my clinic, wiping down all their cuts and bruises.

She put him on the phone, and he had the happiest and most cheerful tone in his voice. The kid was literally on cloud nine as he wiped away the blood and waited for his turn to get band-aids.

But when we relocated, he lost a little of his spark!

He became closed off from the world, and it literally broke my heart. I’m fighting back the tears as I write this now.

I knew he wasn’t happy, but I didn’t know what to do. We never thought that in trying to help one child, we would inadvertently hurt the other.

However, after years of prayer and putting a heavy focus on him and sports, I think we are finally back to where he used to be.

Then there is our third and final kiddo. She is a ball of fire. This girl is the product of two parents that had zero ideas about what they were doing with the first two. We collectively made a countless number of mistakes. I’m talking errors on top of errors, and now we have it figured out.

So she will reap the benefits of all the past loops.

But I will remain humble because I think I have a few more wrecks left in me!

You could have chosen to read any blog, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonna~

 

 

6 thoughts on “I’m A Train Wreck But Yet I Smile

  1. I went thru this recently. I think it’s always been there. For me prayer is also helpful and when I remember that God is everything or he is nothing I don’t take myself and my choices so seriously. I am human. I make mistakes. My son was bullied also. When I remember that God is in charge I relax a bit more because I know that I cannot do things perfectly. I can only do my best. I hope you have an OK day remembering that also ❤️🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. God is powerful!! He helped bring my family into a peaceful space and I didn’t see that coming.
      I hope your son is strong as ever and fears nothing. Thank you so much for your thoughtful words.
      Have a beautiful day 💗💗

      Like

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