To say that life is challenging is an understatement. No one knows what life is going to bring tomorrow or next week or next year for that matter. All we can do is hold on to today and give it all of our energy. Now I have to admit that I didn’t always have this outlook. In my younger years, I couldn’t stand most people, and everything aggravated me. I would lock myself in my room and stay there for the entire day. I’m talking day after day after day.
When I was in 9th grade, I fell in the darkest depression. I couldn’t see my way out of it, and I never thought that I would feel anything else but sadness. My life had just changed for the worse and the people that I loved the most were excitedly moving on and embarking on a journey that I desperately wanted to be apart of. But I knew that I couldn’t so I buried my feelings the best way that I knew how. Solitude and silence.
Silence became my comfortable place because I knew that I controlled that. I didn’t have to pretend to feel anything but pain. I then met the worst person in life and dated him for what feels like 50 years. Whatever self-esteem and a light glimpse of hope that I had, he made sure to stamp it out. I shiver to think back to my 15,16, 17-year-old self. I wish I could tell her…
” hold on girl because life is about to get good. There is a young man that needs you as desperately as you need him.”
He didn’t have anything given to him and had every reason to fail in life. The thought of hopes and dreams didn’t go too much beyond football. Now I’m not exactly sure but it seems as though he was able to relieve frustration on the field. He also was like me, being alone was a confronting and pleasant place to be. We both had friends galore but at times checked out and went the solo route.
Solo we will never be
We allowed ourselves to get comfortable enough to come clean with all of our fears, share our expectations, and trust each other enough to believe in tomorrow. I loved him enough to fix me. I stopped making excuses and complaining about the things that I couldn’t control and gave myself permission to move on. My only focus became making me better, stronger, and wiser. I became the person that I desired for others to be towards me. He became a totally unstoppable man and 100% reliable. His demeanor is soft and soothing and relaxes and releases every wrong thought I ever carried.
Many people may find it hard to believe that two broken people were able to heal each other and make love look easy. But to me, it makes sense.
We gave each other strength so we could allow the healing process to begin.
You could have chosen any blog to read, but you chose mine, and I’m honored.
~Belladonna~