I was just a mom that got fat — just that simple.
I started putting more attention towards my kids and all of their concerns and put myself on the back burner. The things that I needed and wanted became insignificant and not worth discussing. Over the years, I lost myself and even forgot what use to excite me, other than my family.
I remember the day that I found pictures of me from when I was in college. I was in the best shape of my life, and no not because I was younger. But because food mattered. Working out and working towards a dream mattered. I took my dance and performing art classes seriously. Those were the things that drove me to want to treat my mind, body, and spirit better. I woke up every day determined to better than the day before.
Each morning I walked into the dance hall and would get giddy. I would get butterflies in my stomach when each class would begin and then let out a sigh of disappointment when they would end. I could dance forever, it just made my soul feel good.
Then once I had kids, I forgot what that felt like. Then over the years, I fell into this “I come last,” trap, and I didn’t know how to get out of it. Honestly, I didn’t think there was a way out. This life was my new normal, and that’s just that! But when I saw that picture of, myself, I could barely recognize me. I was glowing and smiling from ear to ear because I was proud of me. It felt strange to think that I wasn’t smiling about something one of my kids did.
Nope! It was all about me.
From that point on I was determined to find a comfortable balance where I could be the best mom for my kids and start to show up in my own life at the same time. I wanted to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. I use to think that taking care of me was selfish and meant that I didn’t love my kids. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. It said that I loved me and my life enough to want to stick around as long as I possibly and be a productive force in their life.
Thank goodness I realized that loving myself did not distract from or diminish the love that I have for my family. But it brought more love into my house. The stronger and more physically fit I became the happier I felt. Which made me want to pour more love into my kids and husband.
You could have chosen any blog, to read but you chose mine, and I’m honored.
~Belladonna~