It Was My Energy That Kept Me Positive

It was a warm day, perhaps the warmest this far in July. The sun felt good on my skin, and the fresh smell of pineapples and strawberries made me happy. I laid there on the sand with a book resting on my stomach. The waves crashing into each other relaxed my soul. My anxiety was at a standstill, and all I felt was peace. I can’t help to wonder if I didn’t have that memory would I still be able to control my anxiousness.

For the first time in my life, I was happy. My soul was happy. I’m literally living life with the person that I was meant to be with. However, over the years the love of my life has witnessed my drastic weight gain and loss first hand. He knows when I am beating myself up and showers me with compliments. But guess what compliments go in one ear and out the other if you don’t believe what you are hearing.

I had to question his words because I’m not the person he married. My body has drastically changed, and I am not that same woman that was lying on the beach with a flat stomach and wearing a two-piece bikini. I’m a mom of 3, the flat stomach has gone but making its return, and I’m a few pounds heavier. Okay, maybe more than a few.

With this being the case I had to force my mood to stay consistent, and I couldn’t let my kids or husband find out how I was feeling inside…..like a failure…a big fat failure.  Before I had children, I made a promise to myself. I swore that I wasn’t going to blow up and become a person that I didn’t recognize and that’s just what I did. I looked in the mirror and hated myself. My stomach was huge and soft, my hips seemed to have doubled in size and don’t even get me started on my thighs.

I wanted to fall in a deep depression, but I kept a smile on my face and determination in my heart, body, and soul. I never wanted my family to feel my pain from this one little issue. Because overall  I was beyond blessed to be married to Elijah and have 3 beautiful and healthy babies. I knew that if I made them my reason for change, then change would happen.

So I am telling you from experience, you have to find a reason to lose weight. It has to be something so much deeper then I want to fit in my favorite jeans. It has to be something that will motivate you to never stop fighting for your life. When you are tired of eating right or working out you turn to your reason or reasons and keep winning. Get that person back that you thought was gone for good!

You could have chosen to read any blog, but you chose mine, and I’m honored!

~Belladonnna~

 

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